


The eleventh of    October

by nevvy



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Sod the spoilers I know best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-02 14:38:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 47
Words: 34,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16307081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevvy/pseuds/nevvy
Summary: Two go out hiking. One vanishes.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – Police station  
   
A young man sits on the edge of the chair, staring at the floor. A tall woman walks in, eyeing the room hastily before getting another chair and sitting opposite the man. She handles him a cup of tea which he gratefully takes.  
‘How are you?’ she asks, taking a sip of her own tea. Not having received any answer she adds ‘We haven’t found him yet but I would like to go through some details if you don’t mind. Just to clarify some things’.

‘Has the weather turned yet?’ the young man enquires, fear in his eyes. His voice is almost a whisper as if he’s afraid of the answer.

‘Not yet, love’, there’s almost motherly concern in the woman’s voice. That is the way she had been trained, to earn trust of whoever she is questioning. She is not yet sure what to make of him, what is his role in all of this. ‘But we’re still searching. We need more of your help though, is there any chance that Robert could have done this on purpose? A slightest chance that he meant to disappear?’

‘No, he would never… he would never do this, he just wouldn’t. You have to find him, I can’t….’

‘We have three teams searching for him and a helicopter. If he’s in the park we’ll find him. But I won’t lie to you, with every hour that passes his chances of getting out alive and well are getting smaller. The weather seems to be turning for the worse, according to the latest forecasts it’s going to be really stormy this night’.

The man sniffs quietly. He’s been crying for so long now it feels he hasn’t done anything else in weeks. In reality it has only passed a few hours since he’s lost sight of Robert up way to the Chrome Hill. It supposed to be a getaway, a chance for the two of them to get some time together, enjoy each other’s company, talk. Talking wasn’t something they did often and in the last weeks it became almost impossible to have a working relationship, so many things left unsolved, so many feelings unsaid. Robert went a step further, leaving his mobile phone at the B&B so no one could interrupt, no one could get between him and Aaron. Just a few hours of silence from the world.

‘Let’s start with you arriving to the park’ the woman interrupts Aarons thoughts. ‘You were driving, right`?’

‘Uhrm’

‘You parked the car and got out. Did you take anything with you? I know you might have answered some of the questions already but I just want to make sure we’ve got it all right, okay?’  
‘I did. And yes, it was me driving. Robert, he… we had an accident a few years ago and he is quite reluctant of driving. So, I do it most of the time.’  
‘Was this trip planned? Did you have any gear with you? Food? Flashlights? Warm clothes?’

‘Robert took care of the planning and we had a rug sack with all we should need, I guess all’s still in there. I don’t know who took it but it was one of the officers I think… ‘

‘Did you plan stay overnight? Or was it a daytrip?’  
‘We came to the B&B yesterday. The plan was to do the hiking today and head home tomorrow. I need to be at work tomorrow, Robert’s got a few meetings too’.

‘Can you describe in your own word what happened next, Aaron? Be as precise as you can, even the smallest detail can be important. Don’t leave anything out, we need to know everything to be able to find Robert’.

‘We got out of the car and I locked it after Robert had gotten the rug sack out of the boot. The weather already starter to turn and I remember I asked Robert if we shouldn’t postpone, we could take the car back to the village pub and talk there instead but he insisted. He wanted peace and quiet he said. I should have argued… I mean we had the right clothes and hiking boots and stuff but I’ve never hiked I my life. It’s not my thing really. But I thought… I thought he did, I trusted him on that. It was blowing gale when we reached the Parkhouse Hill, I think that’s what it’s called, right? Anyway, there are two paths leading up to the Chrome Hill and I was sure we’d chosen the easier one… By the time we were halfway it starred to rain. We were cold and I remember Robert saying that we need to find some shelter, that he didn’t think we could make it all the way to the top. We should have stuck together but he reckoned its’s a higher chance to find something if look on both sides of the mountain and it as getting colder and raining more and more…. I checked my phone and I had a strong signal so I told him I’ll ring if I find somewhere suitable. I’d forgotten he hadn’t took his phone with him. If only I’d remembered…’

There is silence broken only by the young man’s silent sobbing.  
‘You took off to the left and Robert to the right, did I get that right?’ the woman enquires.

‘Yeah, it took me about an hour to round the mountain. I didn’t find anything. I was sure I’d meet Robert halfway somewhere and when I didn’t I thought that he’d found somewhere to say, a cave or something. I came back to the same spot we’d started from and he was nowhere to be found. I rang his phone but he didn’t answer and then I realised… I realised his phone had been left at the B&B. I started shouting but by that time the wind was so strong I could hardly hear myself. I started to panic but I thought I’d go the way he went and maybe he’ll be there somewhere. I rounded the mountain two times I think…’

‘Did you meet anyone else in the park? Anyone at all?’

Aaron thinks for a while. Then he shakes his head.  
‘No. But there was another car in the carpark. It was there when we arrived. A land rover, an older type’.

‘Did you notice the registration number?’

‘No, I wouldn’t look. But I remember thinking it felt safe to know someone else had been there. The park felt so remote otherwise… I don’t really fancy places like that’.

‘Does Robert?’

‘I never knew he did if that’s what you mean.’

‘Do you know why he chose this particular place? Does the park mean anything to him? Do you know if he’d been there before?’

‘I don’t know. As I said I thought he had been hiking before, why would he choose this place otherwise? But I don’t know, I just don’t know…’

‘Is there anything else you think might be useful? Anything at all? Did Robert seem ok the last few days?’

‘No and yes, I think so. I haven’t noticed anything I particular but as I said before we haven’t had a chance to socialize lately…’

He buries his head in his hands and the sobbing becomes more and more violent.  
‘Who knew you two would come here?’

Aaron is silent a while, thinking. Who did he tell about this? Who did Robert tell? And he starts to wonder why they came just here?

‘My mum knows. My sister knows. I don’t know if Robert told anyone but I suppose so. His mates at work maybe?’

‘Can you give me the names as well’ asks the policewoman, smiling.

‘Of course, sorry. My mum’s name is Chastity Dingle, lives in Emmerdale. They all live there, my sister’s called Olivia Flathery. Robert might have told Nicola King or her husband Jimmy King, they’re his co-workers. There is Robert’s younger sister as well, Vic, Victoria Barton and his stepmom Diane Sugden’.  
   
‘Do you want me to call someone for you? I assume you will be staying here in case there’s any news? If you want you can go back to the B&B, you don’t have to stay at the station’

‘No, I’ll stay here if that’s ok. I want to know if… when you find him. Can I make a call from my mobile? I need to let my mum know what’s happened’.

‘Of course. Let me know if you need anything. There is a vending machine around the corner if you need something to eat and a café nearby’.  
There is not only concern in the woman’s voice. In cases like this the most common perpetrator is the partner. She doesn’t want Aaron to go home and have time to change his story or, even worse, try to do a runner. She wants him close to the station in case there is a slightest chance he is the one responsible for Robert Sugden’s vanishing.  
 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Chas

The phone rings quite a few times before someone picks up. The pub is flooded with people today, a pint or a glass of wine is what everyone wants on this cold, windy October evening. Chas is happy, she hasn’t feel so happy in days, weeks, months. Everything is going so smoothly, Charity, the pub, Liv and Aaron, even Robert and Aaron, everything seems to be ok between those two, no worries anymore now when Rebecka has finally left the village. It’s so… peaceful. Yes, that’s the word. It’s peaceful and it is bliss and her whole body feels relaxed and content.  
She pours herself another glass of wine and then the phone rings again.

‘Mum?’ there is something strange in Aaron’s voice.

‘Yes darling, are you having a great time?’ Chas asks absentmindedly. The wine has already gone to her head.

‘Something’s happened, mum’.

Chas blinks rapidly, trying to get her focus back. 

‘Are you ok luv?’ she asks, worried now.

‘It’s Robert’

 

She puts the cell down. The pub seems so loud she is actually surprised she heard anything of what Aaron told her. Of course the happiness couldn’t last long, why should it? And of course it is Robert spoiling it. Again.

Chas wants to believe he’s had an accident, is lying in some cave and will be discovered soon. But she is not sure. She is never sure when it comes to Robert Sugden. Although he claimed he has changed and seems to really care about Aaron, Chas cannot bring herself to fully trust him. Once a liar always a liar. Once a troublemaker always a troublemaker.

Well, whatever has happened, Robert disappearing voluntarily or not, there is Aaron to take care about now. Chas cannot leave him by himself now, she must get to him. God knows what the police is making of all of this, there is a possibility they think her son in somewhat involved.

She catches a glimpse of Paddy and waves to him to come over to her. As she explains what had happened she notices that the expression on his face matches hers. She doesn’t need to ask, she knows Paddy’s mind is running through the same thoughts hers did for some minutes ago.  
   
 ‘You think he’d done a runner? Got fed up with the married life?’ Paddy is not shy to voice his thoughts. ‘I mean, why did they even gone hiking? I can’t even imagine Robert Sugden hiking. Every time I try I see him in a suit and well-polished shoes trying to get up the mountain. It doesn’t fit. The whole story doesn’t add up...’  
   
‘I know Paddy. I swear if he just abandoned Aaron again I’ll find him and then he’ll regret he has set his foot in this village. But I really hope, I hope with all my heart that this is just an accident, that they will find him’.

She packs a bag with a few toiletries and a change of clothes for herself and Paddy. A quick word with Charity and even quicker with Victoria (leaving Robert’s sister in a state of bewilderment) and she’s out of the pub. On the way to the car she phones the same B&B that Aaron said he’s staying in. Paddy has already started the car and a second later they are on their way.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – Aaron

The waiting is unbearable. Counting minutes that turn to hours. No one at the station seems to care about him now, he hasn’t received any news in ages. The anxiety is growing bigger and bigger in his chest and Aaron is doing this best to surpass the cry that is building up in his throat. He is not sure how much longer he could deal with it on his own.

His phone is vibrating and for a split second Aaron hopes it’s Robert but then he looks at the screen and Victoria’s name flashes behind his eyes.

‘What’s happening?’ she asks, panic in her voice. The same panic that seems to have taken over his body. ‘Where’s Robert?’ 

Mum must have told her, Aaron recons. He is not sure he has the strength to go through all of this again but maybe the pain shared is half the pain.

So he goes through the day with her and when he is done talking the only thing he says is ‘I’m on my way to you. Just hold on there’. Then the line goes silent and he is on his own again.  
   
He must have fallen asleep on the uncomfortable chair because suddenly someone is shaking him gently. Aaron opens his eyes and his vision is blurry for a short while. 

The same policewoman (‘What was her name again?’ he wonders to himself) is standing in front of him, saying something.

 ‘We have found a jacket and would like you to look at it’ she repeats. ‘It might belong to someone else entirely so don’t get alarmed but I believe it might be Robert’s. There’s blood on it.’

Aaron is grateful that he is sitting down, otherwise his legs wouldn’t hold him, they are shaking anyway. His whole body is shaking.

‘Are you up to it?’ the policewoman wonders. ‘I understand your mother is on her way here, she phoned us, maybe it’s better we wait for her?’

Aaron considers. There is nothing worse that not knowing. He is not sure he wants the jacket to be Robert’s or not. It it is then maybe Robert is not far away from where the police found it. That could also mean that he had been attacked or something. If it’s not his than they still don’t know a thing and are nowhere nearer to know what has happened to his husband.

‘Is there a lot of blood?’ Aaron asks, swallowing hard.

‘A fair amount, mainly on the collar. Seems it might trickled down if there was a head wound.’ She pauses as if not sure if she could tell him more but ten adds ‘We found it on the right side of the mountain, just where you said he’d gone. I was actually wondering why you didn’t see it if you were there, looking for him.’

Aaron stares at her, the realisation hitting him suddenly. ‘There was no jacket anywhere when I was looking for Robert. I would see it otherwise, it’s bright blue, I would have seen it!’

He sees the look in the policewoman’s eyes when he mentions the colour of Roberts jacket.

‘It is blue, isn’t it?

‘You’d better look at it’ she says, leading him to another part of the building.

She opens a door to a small interview room and he is left there for a while while she fetches the jacket. When she comes back, carrying it in a transparent evidence bag, Aaron heart sinks.

The jacket is bright blue. And it’s smeared with blood. A lot of fresh blood. Robert’s blood.

Up till now it seemed as a bad dream. Now it’s more like a nightmare.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - Robert 

The first thing he feels when he comes around is an extreme fatigue. As if his body has given up already, being a step ahead of his mind. Wherever he is, it’s pitch black and after a second the panic kicks in. Defying the tiredness Robert tries to get up, hitting his head on something that must be a kind of a ceiling. He doesn’t know where he is but the smell of the place reminds him of a cave or something. It smells like underground, the most prominent is the earth smell.

Robert has no idea how long he has been out cold. He is hungry and thirsty, his head is pounding and the whole body feels cold, steel and tired. The feeling of panic is almost overwhelming now. Robert tries to calm himself down without much success. The prospect of not being able to free himself from this place fills him with utter horror.

Usually there is a part of him that is always calm, no matter what, he remains cool and collected. But not now. Not here. He does not know what had happened, who put him in this cave, because cave it must be, and why. Why is he here, what is the purpose? Searching in his head, trying to focus on something, he tries to remember the last thing that happened before he woke up here. It was windy, he recalls, too windy and him and Aaron were trying to find a shelter. The last memory he’s got in his head is parting from Aaron. Nothing else. It scares him even more than being here. The not knowing. What has happened to him?  
   
Blood starts to trickle down the back of his neck, making Robert even more confused. Surely he hasn’t hit his head that hard... There is even a bump on the right side of his head, caked with blood and sore as hell. He is freezing and that makes him realise that the only clothing he’s got on is a T-shirt and a pair of boxers. No jacket, no trousers, no socks, no shoes. What is the meaning of that? Is he left here to freeze to death? Why does he have the T-shirt on then?

All this thinking makes his head pound even more, to the point of dizziness. Reluctantly, he lays down on the damp ground. He tries to feel his way around with his fingers, tracing the walls of the cave, looking for some irregularity, some opening somewhere but comes up empty handed. He does the same with his feet but nothing there either. 

I’ll try to crawl later, he thinks, once the dizziness has easier down. Right now it feels like he would throw up the second he moved. He puts his arms around himself, in an attempt to warm himself up. It doesn’t help much. All he wants is to be in Aaron’s safe embrace right now. Finally, he lets the tears to flow.

If he’s not found soon he’ll be in trouble.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - Victoria

She can’t believe it. Clutching her hands on the steering wheel she goes through the possible scenarios of what could have happened. This can’t be Robert doing a runner, now he’s got all he ever dreamt of, a loving husband and a wonderful son, a family of his own. Finally being accepted of who he is, finally fitting in. 

Has he slipped and fell down, landing somewhere no one can se him? Is he conscious? Is he badly hurt? Maybe he’s lying somewhere unable to move but aware that police is looking for him? Or has he...?she doesn’t want to think about worse. He can’t be dead, he just can’t.

But let’s just say it wasn’t an accident altogether. Maybe he’s been attacked by someone. Unlike the police, Victoria doesn’t have a shred of doubt in Aaron’s innocence. If there is anyone that loves Robert unconditionally it’s Aaron. No matter what he would never hurt him.

Victoria cannot think of anyone wanting to hurt Robert, not now when Chrissie is dead and Lachlan behind bars. Which leaves a possibility that her brother has been attacked by some madman lurking out there. However unlikely this sounds.

She pulls over to the petrol station to fill the car up and buy a coffee, it’s late and she’s struggling to stay awake. As she getting out of the car, a gust of wind hits her and she shivered slightly. She shivers even more when she realises that Robert is out there, somewhere, maybe freezing more than her. Maybe alone and scared and cold in the dark. 

Victoria shakes those thoughts off, she must stay focused, otherwise she would just break down here and it wouldn’t help anybody anyhow.

As she pays for the petrol and the coffee she notices the news flash on a small tv in the corner of the shop.

‘And now to the local news. The police are still searching for the man that disappeared on Chrome Hill earlier today. As we unofficially found out there has been a development. The local police have refused to comment but it’s been said that something has been found close to the disappearing site that man shed a light on what has happened. And now, the weather...’

Victoria almost dropps the coffee as she rushes out of the shop. She must call Aaron and she must call him now.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 - Chas

They enter the police station just after midnight. A nice man at the desk points them to an empty waiting room. Aaron is sitting in one corner, his head in his hands. 

‘Oh darling!’ Chas exclaims as she runs to him and pulls him into a warm embrace. ‘Any news?’

There is a look in Aaron’s eyes that tells her that there is news indeed. 

‘They found his jacket. With blood on it’ he says quietly. ‘They found the jacket but they can’t find Robert and they said.... they said we have to prepare for the worst’. 

Chas holds his son as he breaks down once again. He cries and cries and cries. The brutal reality has hit Chas already, she is no longer convinced that Robert disappeared by his own will, he would surely not leave a bloodied jacket behind? Not even Robert Sugden would be so cruel to put anyone in so much pain that Aaron is in right now. 

‘When did they find it?’ she asks ‘And where?’

‘Like two hours ago or so. Close to the place he disappeared. I’d been there, you see. When I was looking for him. And I didn’t see the jacket.... it’s like someone put it there afterwards...’

‘Why didn’t you tell me earlier? You should have called’

‘I knew you were coming, didn’t I. Mum, someone put the jacket there, don’t you understand? Someone took him, harmed him and put the jacket there!’

‘Now, we don’t know that’ it’s the first time Paddy speaks up. ‘Let’s not jump into conclusions Aaron...’

‘Jump into conclusions?!’ Aaron screams now. ‘Don’t you get it? He’s been missing fourteen hours now and they can’t find him!!! Are you saying that he went back himself and put the jacket there? And then disappeared again?!’

‘No, I just...’ stumbles Paddy. ‘ I don’t know what to think.’

‘I asked if I could help with the search’ Aaron says, calming down a bit. ‘But they won’t let me. They probably think I murdered him’ he’s letting out a bitter laugh now, his emotions all over the place. But it feels so good to finally have someone to talk to apart from the police.

‘They won’t let you because it’s dangerous, aye? Have you been outside recently? It’s a full blown storm out there, Aaron. Leave the search to the professionals instead. Come, we’ll take you back to the B&B, you need to rest, luv.’

‘I can’t go, mum. What if they find him, I’ll need to be here’ Aaron protests, looking defiantly at Chas.

‘Well, if they find him they won’t bring him here, right? He’ll have to go to the hospital to be checked over. There is no need for you to stay here. Paddy, can you find whoever is in charge here and ask them to come here?’

 

Paddy rushes off and Chas points a chair for Aaron to sit down on. For once he does like he is told. She sits beside him and pats him gently on the back.

‘How bad is the storm?’ asks Aaron, almost to quiet for Chad to hear. 

‘A lot of trees down, not a hurricane but close enough. We were lucky to get here so soon... I called the station on our way here and they said the helicopter had to come back to the base, it wasn’t safe for the crew.’

‘Do you think there is anyone out there searching now? I just can’t bear to think that he’s out there alone and no-one’s looking for him..’

‘I know, luv. But it’s dark now and if they’re been searching since noon... I mean it’s not safe for anyone in this weather.’

As she speaks up Paddy and a blonde haired woman enter the waiting room.

‘You must be Aaron’s mother’ the woman stretches out a hand to Chas. ‘I am DCI Cuyler Seeley, in charge of the investigation of Robert’s disappearance.’ Her smile is professional and not very warm, Chas reckons. 

‘Do you have any more news? We are all very tired and would like to get some rest if we’re not needed here.’

‘No news I’m afraid. We have called the search in for the moment, my men are tired as well and the weather is not on our side. We will continue tomorrow, as soon as the dawn breaks. We are doing everything to find Robert but as I said to you son before, the longer it takes the smaller chance he’s got. I’m sorry.’

Aaron feels like the air has got out of him. The policewoman’s words means only one thing to him.

‘You will be looking for his body tomorrow, is that what you’re saying here?’

‘I didn’t say that, mr. Dingle. We still hope to find him alive but yes, we are treating this like a crime now and yes, there is a possibility we won’t find him alive.’

Before the words sink in, Chas grabs Aaron by the wrist and ushers him out of the waiting room.

‘Call us if there’s any news. We’ll be staying at the Geese& The Ghost B&B’ she says to DCI Seeley as she drags Aaron to the car. Paddy follows after.

Aaron doesn’t have a chance to protest and, after all, he is grateful to Chas for taking charge. He doesn’t have any energy left, he is not sure he will ever have it again.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 - Victoria 

Her phone rings as the parks the car outside the police station.

‘They don’t think he’s alive, Vic’ Aaron’s voice is thick with tears. ‘They’ve stopped looking until tomorrow.’

Victoria blinks back her own tears. It cannot end like this. She can’t be loosing another brother. ‘Where are you?’ she asks. 

‘We’ve just come to the B&B, mum thought it was pointless hanging around at the police station. We’ve booked you a room.’

‘I need to speak to them first. I need to know what’s happening. They must be out of their minds if they give up on him so easily!’

She is furious as she enters the station. The man at the desk knows better than to try to convince her to go and get some rest; he fetches DCI Seeley almost instantly.

‘We can go to my office’ the policewoman says, showing the way. 

The room is quite cosy for being an office of a DCI, there is even a coffee machine and Victoria gratefully accepts a cup of strong black coffee. 

‘You’re Robert’s sister I assume’ DCI Seeley smiles. ‘I can assure you we are doing everything in our power to find your brother’

‘But you’re not searching for him now’ Vic sneers.

‘No. The search up till now has been quite fruitless, I must admit. Apart from the jacket we haven’t found anything. The dogs kept picking up a trace only to loose it a few yards later. Nothing else had come up. If it wasn’t for the jacket I’d say Robert wouldn’t want to be found. But the jacket changes everything.’

‘You thought he disappeared on purpose? He would never ever do that!’

‘Stranger things happens all the time, Victoria. Sometimes we think we know someone only to be proven wrong. Don’t misunderstand me, we had no proof but before we found the jacket we had two theories: one that he disappeared by his own will and the other that Aaron was somehow involved.’

‘You must be kidding’ Victoria is getting more and more upset. ‘Why should he? And why should Aaron have something to do with it? They love each other.’

‘We never rule out the partner, especially in cases like this. Think for yourself: it was only Aaron and Robert on the path. Robert disappears. If it was two individuals you didn’t know, who would you put your money on as the perpetrator, huh?’

‘But Aaron said there was another car at the car park when they came. It could have been someone else there too.’

‘Ah, the car, yes. We only have Aaron’s word for it. So you see, it was quite straightforward before we found the jacket. Or so it seemed. And then we found it and I showed it to Aaron and, well, I basically don’t make up my opinions based on peoples reaction but this time, this time I think Aaron’s shock was genuine. I don’t think he placed the jacket there, he was shocked and devastated.’

‘So what now?’ Victoria is tired. First Andy then Adam and now Robert. This really can’t be happening.

‘Now you should find somewhere to stay and go to bed. You can’t do anything for Robert now but if we... when we find him he will need all of you, well rested and capable of taking care of him. He will need you so you’d better take good care of yourself. I’ll call you tomorrow, I promise.’

Once again Victoria finds herself clutching the steering wheel. Not being able to help her brother leaves her feeling useless and the worst sister in the world. But deep down she knows the policewoman’s right.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 - Robert 

Suddenly there is an unfamiliar sensation all over his body. It feels like something is crawling all over him. Instinctively Robert stirs and sits up. It takes him a while to notice he can sit upright now. It’s still dark outside but it’s not the same sense of absolute and impenetrable darkness. He is outside, no question about that. The wind is still blowing but not a storm anymore.

Robert looks down and, if he’s not mistaken, he can see ants all over him. He brushes them of but the sudden movement makes him dizzy and he ends up throwing up violently. After a while, when his stomach seems to have settled down, Robert tries to stand up and to his amazement it works. His legs hold him up, even if they shake a bit. And he is no longer in the cave.

Why isn’t he in the cave? Why doesn’t he remember getting out of there? What is going on? Is there anyone searching for him? How long has he been held captive? Where is he, is he still in the same park? He thinks of Aaron, god knows where now, probably worried sick of not knowing where Robert is. That thought gives him a little strength. He must get to Aaron, he can’t let him down. Aaron won’t survive not knowing what happened to Robert.

As Robert tries to feel his way around, he recognises the feeling of moss and fallen leaves underneath his feet. He must be in a forest, maybe the same one they passed on the way to the path leading to Chrome Hill. There is something else too he feels but he pushes those feelings and thoughts aside. Not now. Now when he is not even sure of what it exactly means. He needs to get to safety. That is what he needs to concentrate on. For some reason he’s been released by whoever has taken him and he must make the best of it. There is only survival on his mind right now. He needs to get to Aaron.

He tries making small steps even though he feels sick with every movement. But step by step he reaches something that must be a tree and can lean on it a while, gathering his strength. His whole body is shaking now, the lack of food and water taking its toll. 

Robert tries moving again but his legs just won’t listen. He needs a longer rest but is not sure if it would help. 

He wonders how much time has passed since he got kidnapped. Is it still the same day or has he been out cold longer than that? It would explain the hunger. Suddenly he hears a vague sound right in front of him. A sound of cars speeding by. He is close to a carriageway. The rescue might be closer than he hoped for. 

A few more steps and then a pause again. He is making progress, of course he is, but he’d be happier if it could go a bit faster. His heart beats so loud now he can almost heart it, partly because of the fatigue but even because he is not really sure why he has been released. What if whoever the perpetrator is is just toying with him? Let him out just to capture him again? Robert tries to push even that thought aside but manages only partially, it still lingers at the back of his mind.

He reflects that the moon in shining, the weather must have cleared out now. A quick glance around and Robert knows there are many steps ahead of him before he comes anywhere near the carriageway. It’s woods as far as he can se in all directions. No lights apart from the moon and a lot of sounds he doesn’t recognise but then, why would he? How often has he been outside at this hour? As a teenage maybe, but then he’d be occupied by something entirely else, his company for example. Recently he’s never been to the woods at this hour.

Whatever hour it is. The moon is quite high but it doesn’t tell him anything. He almost jumps up when he hears a sound, like small branches being stepped on an for a second he freezes just where he is. Trying not to make a noise of his own, Robert listens for more sounds. It could be an animal, it has to be an animal for god’s sake! I’ll be grey haired before I’m outta here, he thinks for himself. That sound really startled him.

As seconds pass by the forest becomes silent again. Robert waits a few more minutes (that seem like hours in his head) and them moves quietly forward, trying to make as little noise as possible.

In the end it’s the chill that finally gets to him. His feet feel like two frozen blocks and he is totally unable to keep the warm, doesn’t matter how hard he tries. He can’t continue like this, not now. He needs rest, he needs sleep... he needs Aaron. He sinks to his knees as a breeze of cold wind hits his body. The last thing he thinks of as the dark embraces him is that he won’t be even able to say goodbye to Aaron.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 - Aaron, Chas and Victoria (well, Paddy as well, he just seems to follow the others like a dog. I’m sure I will find a purpose for him in this story ;)

They are all back at the police station in the morning. Aaron hardly slept last night, he finally dozed off in the small hours of the morning. That is definitely not enough to make him feel well rested. Or rested at all, for that matter. Victoria’s got dark rings under her eyes and is not saying much. 

DCI Seeley and a young looking sergeant greet them as the clock strikes eight.

‘We need to take statements from all of you. I’m sorry but this is just standard procedure’ she adds before anyone have a chance to object. ‘If you could follow my colleague mrs Dingle’

‘Miss Dingle’ Chas corrects her. ’And I don’t understand why we are wasting time on this while we should be looking for Robert instead!’ She just can’t watch Aaron dissolve in front of her. Of all the things her son has been through this is second worst. And it could destroy him. 

‘I assure you once again that we..’

‘Yeah yeah, spare yourself’ says Chas as she sulkily goes after the younger police officer.

‘Are the teams out again?’ Aaron asks, his voice barely audible.

‘Yes, as we speak we have two teams combing through the area. Sooner or later they will come up with something.’

‘The question is what’ Victoria says. The lack of sleep is not getting to her yet, her anger fuelling her up. ‘I mean, if someone has taken him it must be a madman, not someone easily overlooked by people who live her, right? Isn’t there anyone sticking out who you can question?!’

‘We are looking into this possibility. It could be someone attacking him randomly. Although I personally am more inclined to think that this whole kidnapping business has been planned. If it was random we would have found more traces by now. Signs of a struggle for example. But we haven’t. Whoever is responsible must have taken Robert by surprise. Came prepared. Knew Robert would be there. Therefore I need to know who knew about this trip.’

Victoria is not really convinced, to Paddy it seems like she has seen too many crime shows as she says: ‘But a serial killer would have come prepared as well, wouldn’t he? If he just decided to take some random person?’

‘Serial killers are not that usual in real life, mrs Barton. Let us just do our work and try to think if you have told anyone about Aaron and Robert coming here’ Paddy must admit that the DCI has a fair share of patience with Vic on this. 

‘I told no one’ Victoria admits. ‘But half of the village knew, you can’t keep anything a secret there...’ 

‘I’m afraid she’s right. You will have to question the whole village. Do you really think it was someone Robert knew?’ Aaron can’t get his head around it. Robert has stirred up a lot in the past and it wouldn’t surprise Aaron if someone decided to take revenge back then but it’s been ages ago. Why now? And by whom?

‘We start with questioning you’ DCI Seeley says as Chas re-enters the room. ‘Would you like to go in next mr Kirk?’

‘I really don’t se the point of this, what possibly important could we tell you?’ Chas is still upset. 

‘Let me be the judge of that. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to check with my colleagues how the search is going, says DCI Seeley as she leaves the room. ‘I’ll be in touch but you are free to go after we have taken all yours statements.’

In the end it’s Aaron who decides that they can’t stay in the waiting room forever. The cafe close to the station looks promising and he could murder for a comforting cup of coffee.

As he sits and picks at som half dry cake Chas has ordered, he decides to call Diane. He’s been putting of this conversation for ages but she has a right to know. And there is another issue to take care of, she’s the one minding Seb now. The boy is about to turn two soon and surely misses his dads by now.

With a heavy heart, Aaron dials her number.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - The woods

Rain pours down making everything look grey and unwelcoming. But after the dry summer rain is what the land needs, thinks Caroline McKinley as she put the hood of the waterproof jacket up and follows the path deeper into the forest. Rain means mushrooms as well. And it is mushrooms she is after.

But whatever is lying under the birch just a few paces across in no mushroom. Caroline screams but realises in the same second that a scream won’t help anyone here. Not her and definitely not the body, if it is a body. Being seventy five Caroline has seen a lot in her life and decides she would not be intimidated by a corpse. 

She approaches slowly, reaching for her cell phone at the same time. Her eyes scan the surroundings and her glance lands on a rather thick branch not so far away from whoever is lying there. She diverts from her path and picks it up; for all she knows it could be someone pretending to be dead just to wait for her and attack her. Not that he would have much to steal from her, possibly the mushrooms. She smiles to herself, it would definitely be a peculiar way of taking the mushrooms away from someone.

When she is close enough to touch the body she notices it is not someone pretending anything here. This is a man, possibility in his late twenties or early thirties, dirty and with only a few pieces of clothing on him. He is lying on his left side with his back on her. Caroline touches his shoulder gently and shakes it. He is cold but that doesn’t have to mean he’s dead, it’s freezing outside after all. 

No reaction comes. Caroline takes his wrist and checks for a pulse. To her surprise there is one. Weak and irregular but it’s there. She takes off her jacket and covers him with it. Then she pulls her phone out and calls 999.

The ambulance takes its time but, to be entirely fair, it is not easy finding them in the middle of the forest. Caroline wonders who is it she saves the life of and how he has ended up here. Is there someone missing him? Waiting for him somewhere? Has anyone hurt him? Apart from the mud smeared on his whole body, there are no visible signs of any abuse. But you never know, he could have some internal damage, it’s really hard to tell. 

The poor thing doesn’t give any life signs and if it wasn’t for the pulse she could never tell he was alive. She just hopes the ambulance arrives before it’s too late. Its sirens a while later are probably the prettiest sound she’s heard for quite a while.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and leaving feedback :)

Chapter 11 - Aaron 

Having talked to Diane and being assured Seb’s alright makes Aaron feel a bit better. On the other hand, the thought of coming back home to their son without Robert makes him physically ill. Knowing someone from the village may be responsible for all of this seems so unreal he is having trouble believing it. But what other possibility is there? Of course it could be someone from Robert’s past that Aaron does not know about. After all, his husband hasn’t spent his whole life in Emmerdale. Some of the bits he is even reluctant to talk about but to Aaron it seems it’s just dodgy business that Robert is a bit ashamed of. Nothing that could possibly be the reason of anybody wishing harm upon him.

If only he could occupy himself with something! Sitting around and waiting does not do him any good. Hearing Victoria coming up with one unbelievable theory after another is more that he can stand.

‘I’m going for a walk, I need to clear my head’ he just says, leaving the cafe. Chas tries to stop him but after assuring her he won’t do anything stupid, she lets him go.

If it wasn’t for the seriousness of the situation, Aaron would actually be able to enjoy some extra days off. It’s is quite beautiful outside at this time of the year, the wind has died down and even if it’s raining a bit it doesn’t bother him. But walking around, seeing all the happy couples, people holding hand and smiling to each other makes his tears flow uncontrollably. Will he ever hold Robert’s hand again? Will he ever see him again? What is he supposed to tell Seb, maybe not now but in a few years time? Now he understands Robert’s frantic search for Rebecka last year. What would he say to Seb if Robert is found dead? Or worse, never found at all?

The worst thing is that he, Aaron Dingle, can do absolutely nothing right now. It feels like waiting on the death row. 

In his head, he goes through yesterday’s events once more, trying to find something, however small, that doesn’t fit. He curses himself for not looking at the registration plates of the rover in the car park. Whoever drove it could have seen Robert. Whoever drove it could have been the attacker. Aaron can’t come up with anyone in Emmerdale owning a car like that but if it was premeditated then no wonder he has never seen it before. 

Not feeling any better than he did when he left the cafe, Aaron heads back. Chas would be worried if he wandered off somewhere. There could be news as well even if he’s phone has stayed silent. But it’s better to go back to the station, there is really nothing else he can do but sit there and wait. Sooner or later there will be any news.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 - Nurse Keith

He is in the middle of his shift and the only thing Keith has on his mind is to go home and have a day on the couch with his boyfriend. He promised, the bastard, and been trying to avoid it ever since, blaming in on the lack of time etc. Keith knows the real reason though, Mike cannot live without his job, calling in sick just to spend some time with his other half wouldn’t even cross his mind. Holiday he has probably never heard of. With Keith working often at weekends the couple don’t have much time together.

It’s not often Keith takes the day shift, he prefers the evenings, less people then, not so many relatives around, quieter and easier to work. He doesn’t like the relatives, all the fuss and questions. 

He’s about to take his round and check on his patients when Becky stops him ‘A new one in number five. Quite handsome. Arrived from A&E just now, you might want to check on him first. Your type as well.’ Trust it to Becky to make a comment like that about a patient. ‘No name though, police would want to talk to him once he’s awake I suppose’

Intrigued (though not admitting it to himself), Keith heads toward room number five. The whole intensive care is pretty quiet today and he is utterly grateful for that. More time to actually do the work.

The guy in number five does not have a name indeed. He breaths on his own but as his chart says “Head trauma, dehydrated, low body temperature on arrival, possibly malnourished, unconscious on arrival, slight swelling of the brain, ct scan done. Needs constant observation”, he has been given a breathing mask. Keith suspects he’ll be out of ICU as soon as he has regained consciousness. Until then he’s on meds through the IV and in Keith’s care.

As he examines the bandage around the patients head, dr Murphy walks in.

‘Ah, I see you have heard about our latest patient’ she says, smiling. Cathrine Murphy is one of the best around here, Keith reckons. And one of the nicest, most polite people he’s ever met. They are lucky having her here. ‘I recon he won’t be staying long but you never know with the head injury.’

‘No name, where does he come from? A fight in the city or what?’ Not being a party animal himself Keith really doesn’t understand people hanging around in clubs. 

‘An old lady found him in a forest, would you believe? Quite deep in as well. He should be thankful, not many people going this far at all. Pure luck, actually.’

‘Shit’ says Keith. ‘Wonder was he was doing there? And god knows how long, he might have a guarding angel around him.’

‘Hopefully he wakes up soon and can tell us. I’ve talked to the police earlier, they’re looking him up against the missing persons list in the county. We’ll probably know who he is in no time. Up till then we need to be careful not knowing if he’s allergic to something. But I don’t think I need to tell you that, huh?’ She smiles one of the gorgeous smiles of her. ‘I’ll leave him in your hands now. Let me know if anything changes, I’m not hundred percent comfortable with his head injury.’

And so she leave and Keith proceeds checking all the tubs and wires. The heart monitor beeps regularly, there is nothing to worry about as now.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 - DCI Seeley 

The next day the search is being reduced. Police don’t even pretend anymore they are looking for a missing person, it’s a search for Robert’s body know. When Aaron gets the news about ‘regrouping the resources’, as DCI Seeley puts it, he goes ballistic. He trashes half of the interior in the waiting room and it takes a doctor and a whole lot of tranquillisers to calm him down. Chas takes him back to the B&B and pleads with the police not to report him for damaging their property. DCI Seeley sounds sympathetic when she assures Chas that they are going to drop it if Aaron stays at the B&B instead or go home altogether. Chas agrees, being aware there is nothing any of them can do about. 

And Cuyler Seeley is perplexed over the whole situation. After pressure from above she has no choice but to change the direction of the investigation, having so many officers out looking for someone who is actually probably dead is hard to defend. She goes through the whole case in her head again and again, reads all the witness’ statements but is nowhere nearer solving the case. If they at least found the body! Cuyler is aware that this may never be the case. 

She is about to call it a day when her phone rings. 

‘DCI Seeley speaking.’

‘Hello, my name’s DI Andrew Jones and I’m calling from the Blackheath’s police station. We have a John Doe at the Rowley Regis Hospital and you have a certain Robert Sugden missing. We might think it’s the same person.’

‘Where did you say you were calling from?’ Cuyler asks with apparent surprise in her voice. ‘Isn’t Rowley Regins in West Midlands?’

‘Yes ma’m, it is. Our John Doe fits the description of the man you are looking for. He was admitted to Rowley Regins yesterday but with the system malfunctioning...’

‘Wait wait wait, let me get this straight. You’ve been knowing about this since yesterday? He was admitted yesterday, didn’t he state his name?’

‘No, he came by ambulance, someone found him in the Warrens Hall park. Unconscious on arrival and hasn’t woken up yet. We haven’t yet checked the place he’d been found at but I’ll send a patrol there today.’

‘You mentioned malfunction of the system as well’ Cuyler tries not to get her hopes up but if it’s Sugden then the case has just got weirder.

‘We couldn’t check him against the national register yesterday, the whole system was down, but as it seems only here. We’ve just come back online again hence my call to you.’

‘Do you have a photo? I’ll need you to mail it to me, we need to identify him.’

‘Of course, I’ll ask the hospital to provide one.’

‘What’s his condition, is it serious?’ Cuyler asks, thinking about the amount of blood left on the bright blue jacket.

‘He’s been unconscious since he’s been admitted but according to the hospital there is no serious injury. He suffered a head trauma and there was brain swelling of some sort but I think the’ve got it sorted. They’re just waiting for him to wake up.’

Could he really be that lucky, Cuyler thinks. A bump on the head and that’s it?

‘Nothing else? You see, his disappearance is not so straightforward, we think someone else is involved. It’s a curious case, this one and with Robert, if it is Robert, turning up sixty miles away from the place he disappeared from...’

‘Some test came back inconclusive, I’ll give you the number to his doctor if you want to know more. And I’ll email the photo as soon as I have it.’

‘Thank you.’

‘No probs. Give me a ring if you need any more information.’

It takes around ten minutes before she’s got the phono in her mailbox. Cuyler prints it out, the man in the picture is pale with bandage around his head. She’s seen a photo of Sugden before and is quite certain it’s the same person. But it’s up to the family to make a formal identification. 

She dials Aaron’s number and is greated by his sleepy voice.

‘Hello Aaron, I’ve got news. You’d better come to the station now.’


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 - The police station 

The drive to the station is a nightmare. Not knowing what to expect, Aaron fears the worst. His mum and Paddy tried to comfort him after the call came but they’re quiet now. Victoria is crying and in the back seat, not being able to hold it together anymore.

Aaron almost crashes in two other cars as he drives into the parking lot. He doesn’t wait for the others, unfastens the seatbelt before the car has come to a full stop and runs towards the station. 

DCI Seeley greets him as he comes to a halt at the reception desk. 

‘Shall we wait for your family?’ she asks, seeing the others through the glass door.

‘Have you found his body? Is it why you have called me? Is he dead?’ Aaron asks frantically, completely ignoring the policewoman’s question.

‘No body, no. But I would like you all to come to my office’ DCI Seeley says as Chas, Paddy and Victoria enter the station. ‘There is something else I would like to show you.’

Once they’re in and seated around her desk the detective pulls a photo out of a plastic envelope. She eyes the group of four as she carefully lays the photo in front of them.

Aaron and Victoria gasps, almost in unison. 

‘Is this Robert Sugden?’ the detective asks although it is quite obvious what the answer would be.

‘Yes, it’s Robert! Where is he, what has happened?’ Aaron almost screams. Chas pats him in his back soothingly.

‘Half an hour ago I received a phone call from a police station in Blackheath. They had been contacted by the local hospital about a person without an id on him who had been admitted there. The DI in charge run the info in the national missing persons register and got Robert’s name, among some others. Robert’s profile fitted the best and so we were contacted.’ She knows better than to mention the one day delay, it would come time for that.

‘Where is he? Where is Blackheath?’ it’s Victoria’s this time. 

‘Around sixty miles from here, in West Midlands. Before you ask - I don’t know how he ended up there. He was found unconscious in a nature park nearby and brought to the hospital. He had as yet not regained consciousness. He is suffering from a blow to the head but it’s all, as it seems. You can go and see him but I’ve talked to the doctor in charge and she is adamant that you give her a ring before you visit.’

‘Can we go directly, we can call her on the way there?’ Paddy asks, seeing Aaron is eager to leave directly.

‘Yes, of course. There is one more think I need to clarify here. Although Robert has been found we will still be investigating what has happened. We or the local police would like to talk to him once he comes around. We need to put to justice whoever is responsible for this.’

‘Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Can we go now?’ and before DCI Seeley has a chance to say ‘you’re welcome’ Aaron is out of the office.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 - The hospital 

‘You’d better wake up’ says Keith as he checks the IV needle in Robert arm. ‘Your family’s is on the way, they’ll be here in no time.’

It’s quiet on the ward even today but for once Keith will be glad meeting the relatives of a patient in his care. It must be terrible waking up in a hospital and have nobody waiting for you, Keith is happy everything is turning out for the best for Robert. He doesn’t know why he has taken up to this particular patient (maybe Becky was right after all). 

It doesn’t even take one hour before dr Murphy walks in, accompanied by a dark haired young man. 

’Can I... can I touch him?’ the young man asks, looking at Keith.

‘Of course you do’ Keith smiles. ‘He isn’t badly hurt, he won’t break if you hold his hand. I assume dr Murphy has briefed you on his condition?’

‘Yes, we’ve talked’ says Catherine. ‘You could pop into my office later mr Dingle, I’d like to discuss the care plan for your husband. I’m sure you want to stay here right now but there are few things we need to go through. It’s the last door to the right, in the end of the corridor.’

‘Yeah, I’ll come by later. Thank you.’

As dr Murphy leaves, Keith pulls out a chair and motions for Aaron to sit down. 

‘He should come around soon’ the nurse says. ‘As you’ve probably heard his condition is not that serious anymore, as soon as he’s regained consciousness he’ll be ready to move out from ICU. Lucky he was, being out there in this weather and making it without any severe damage.’

‘Yeah, I guess so. I’ve never been so scared in my whole life.’ There are tears in Aaron’s eyes, he hasn’t fully comprehend that Robert is safe and will pull through. This whole day has been like a rollercoaster altogether. From being sure he would have to identify a body to actually sitting beside Robert holding his hand. 

‘I’ll leave you two alone now. There,’ Keith points at the right side of the bed’ is a button you can press if you need anything. Your husband is on a heart monitor so we are having him under observation all the time.’

Aaron is stroking Robert’s right hand gently. ‘Will you be coming back soon or how does it work?’

‘I check on him every hour. No worries, just press the button if you think something’s not as it should be. Will there be more family visiting?’

‘Just me today, my mother and stepdad and Robert’s sister are here too but we’ve been told that it’s best if only one of us comes here today. So the rest are looking for a hotel to stay at, I suppose he’ll have to stay here for a while?’

‘A couple of days, yes, just to make sure everything’s alright. And the reason we don’t want too many relatives at once is that when Robert wakes up he might be a bit confused. It’s good for you to know that. He might not recognise you at first and, above all, he won’t know where he is. Because of the head trauma there might be a short term memory loss. That is nothing to worry about’ Keith assures seeing Aaron’s panicking face expression. ‘Like I said, press the button when he wakes up and we’ll take care of the rest.’

As the nurse leaves, Aaron moves his chair closer to Robert’s bed. He still can’t believe he’s actually sitting here. But there is worry as well, suppose Robert wakes up and doesn’t recognise him. And then there is the matter of the kidnapping itself - what happened to Robert while he was held captive? Has he been hurt in any other way? He must have been scared, that’s for sure. But the aftermath of this whole business may be a rocky road and Aaron only hopes he is strong enough to help Robert through that.

Robert looks so pale in the hospital bed, so young and fragile. Aaron doesn’t want to see his husband like this. Robert has always been Aaron’s rock to lean on, the one making everything better. Now, for what must be the first time for real, he is going to be there for Robert. He will not let him down, he promises himself.

The machines beep soothingly and Aaron’s eyelids are getting heavier and heavier. The stress of the day finally catches up with him and in no time he’s fast asleep. When nurse Keith comes back some forty minutes later, he smiles to himself and puts a blanket around Aaron. After checking up on his patient, he leaves as quietly as he can, closing the door carefully behind him.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 - Victoria

She’s been trying to get hold of Aaron in ages now. Or so it feels. She’s worried that something’s wrong, that although the doctors have assured them that Robert’s life is not in danger, something has happened and Aaron won’t answer because he cannot bring himself to tell her.

But he calls back after a while, explaining that the sound of his phone was switched off and that there is no change to Robert’s condition. He’s just asleep and will wake up when he’s ready. Nothing to worry about according to the hospital, don’t be alarmed, stay put, everything will be alright.

Victoria knows that what matters is the fact that Robert’s been found in the end. She knows that. But she can’t just quit worrying.

Diane calls, having received a text from Aaron. Seb’s doing alright, misses his dads but children this age are easy to distract and he adores Diane. Just sent my love to them, would you? And of course Victoria does, can’t do anything more right now anyway, can she?

She understands that they can’t have people crowding the ICU but she wishes she was able to see Robert, at least for a short while. It won’t feel real until she has seen him. 

There is a knock on her door and there is Chas, holding a bottle of champagne.

‘We should celebrate’ she says cheerfully as she invites herself in to Victoria’s room. 

‘I don’t really feel like celebrating and I’m tired and...’

‘Don’t be daft. And there is nothing else to do here anyway. Aren’t you happy we’ve got a happy ending?’

Victoria doesn’t want to be a killjoy but is it really a happy ending? Robert’s not awake and they still don’t know what happened to him. 

‘He’s alive isn’t he? That a reason enough.’

‘But I can’t stop thinking that someone we know might be responsible. I can’t get it out of my head, Chas’ Victoria says.

‘I thought you thought it was some madman?’

‘I did, yeah. I don’t know but it doesn’t feel good, I don’t really feel like celebrating. I’m sorry.’

‘Suit yourself. See you at breakfast tomorrow? Hope he will wake up soon and we can all go home.’

‘Yeah, I hope so too. Goodnight Chas.’

She closes the door and sits heavily on the bed. Was it wrong to turn the offer down? The clock is close to midnight but she knows won’t be able to fall asleep anyway. But it wouldn’t feel good drinking champagne with Robert being still in hospital, unconscious. Not knowing what actually happened to him what consequences the whole business is going to have on the whole family.

As she prepares for bed, Victoria’s phone buzzes. There’s a text from Aaron. Two words. Two words that are enough for Victoria to thank her lucky star for not falling for the champagne. Two words that make her grab the car keys and run to the car as fast as she can.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 - Aaron

It’s dark outside and Aaron it trying to decide if he should stay the night or go to the hotel. But in the end he knows he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep knowing Robert could wake up without having anyone at his side. So he stays, trying to make himself comfortable on the uncomfortable chair.

Keith the nurse says goodnight after checking on Robert one last time, before his shift ends for the day. There is another nurse, a female this time, somewhat younger and not so eager to talk. Aaron misses Keith already, it’s nice to have someone so chirpy and positive around. He’s already heard all about the nurse’s family life, he can relate to Keith’ problems having married a workaholic himself. 

‘Would you like something to eat?’ the nurse (Amanda if Aaron is not mistaken) asks. ‘I can ask the kitchen for some sandwiches if you want.’

‘That would be really nice, thank you.’ Aaron is grateful, the staff really takes good care not only of his husband but even of him. 

He looks through the window when one of the monitors starts to beep loudly and more irregular. Startled, he turns around and finds Robert looking at him, wide eyed and with a panic all over his face. In another second Robert’s eyes rolls back into his skull and his body arches as he starts seizing violently.

The next thing Aaron knows is a doctor and a senior nurse rushing into the room. He is lead outside by yet another nurse and looks helplessly through the glass door as the staff is trying to stabilise his husband.

‘He’s in good hands’ the nurse tells him. ‘Don’t worry, they’ll have him sorted.’ 

It takes another minute, which seems like an hour in Aaron’s head, before Robert stops seizing. He’s wheeled out of the room for more tests and an MRI. Aaron sits in the corridor and feels completely drained of energy. He wishes his mum was here now. He feels the prick of tears behind his eyelids and then they just flow uncontrollably. Aaron’s whole body shakes, he’s out of control, he can’t be brave anymore, he can’t do this.

A strong pair of arms wraps him, Aaron is surprised to see it’s the senior nurse, a woman in her forties with a kind eyes and words of comfort. He cries and cries and she holds him until he’s calmed down a bit.

‘Shhhh now, it’s gonna be alright. It’s just a seizure, we’ve stopped it, it’s ok. He’ll be fine, you’ll see.’

A handkerchief is pressed into the palm of his hand and Aaron wipes the tears.

‘I’ll get you some water’ the nurse says. 

She returns a moment later with glass and Aaron drinks it greedily.

‘Do you want me to call anyone for you?’ the nurse asks.

Vic. He must call Vic. He can’t really bring himself to do it though, afraid he’s voice won’t hold. So he texts her that Robert’s awake hoping she’s not in bed yet. 

‘You can go back to Robert’s room if you want, it’s more comfortable there. I’ll bring you a jug of water.’

Waiting for his husband to come back seems unbearable. Waiting is all Aaron’s been doing in the last few days. He’s tired of waiting, tired of not being able to do anything about the situation, tired of seating in the back seat all the time.

His hopes are raised up when the door finally opens only to see it’s just Victoria in a state of shock, that comes in.

‘You said he was awake’ she almost screams. ‘Where is he, what’s going on?’

‘He woke up and started fitting’ the tears flow again when Aaron sees the mental image of what happened some hour ago. ‘I thought it was it, that he was going to die here but they’ve pumped some meds in him and taken him for more examination.’

‘I thought you said they’d ruled the brain damage out’ Victoria is so tired of all of this, it’s just as she feared earlier. Will it ever end?

‘They did, that’s what the doctor told me earlier. But I don’t know Vic, they must have gotten it wrong or something...’

‘Come here’ Victoria pulls Aaron in a hug. They both badly need it.

‘I should call mum but I don’t know if it’s ok that she comes here as well, them here being so strict with the visitors’ numbers...’

‘Don’t, she’s probably drunk. Came to my room with a bottle of champagne earlier, she wanted to celebrate that everything was turning up for the better. I didn’t want any so she and Paddy must have shared it. Let her sober up.’

There comes a chuckle through the tears. 

‘Mum the optimist.’

Another hour passes and finally the senior nurse comes in.

‘He’s on his way back, they have done a brain scan, the doctor will be here shortly to have a word with you. I see you have company now’ 

‘I’m Robert’s sister. Is it bad? What did the scan say?’

‘Wait for the doctor instead, love, he will explain all to you’ the nurse says, rearranging some of wires around the heart monitor. ‘But don’t worry too much, he’s in good hands’ she adds, seeing Victoria and Aaron are both upset.

Robert is being wheeled back a moment later. He’s not awake, Aaron notices, and there are dark circles under his eyes. The nurses put him on the monitor again and leave the room as a young doctor walks in.

‘Mr Dingle’ he stretches out his hand to shake Aaron’s. ‘And you must be mr Sugden’s sister?’

‘Victoria Sugden’ Vic presents herself.

‘I’m doctor Stanley, I’m on call tonight. We have done a brain scan on mr Sugden and all seems fine. The seizure was probably caused by the trauma Robert has experienced recently. The dehydration, concussion and waking up in an unknown environment has taken its toll. I’ve send another blood sample to the lab and I expect to have the results tomorrow but I don’t think it will show anything new. We have administered drugs to keep your husband asleep and will wake him up tomorrow under controlled circumstances as we don’t want to risk another seizure. He’s even on medication for epilepsy just as precaution so don’t get alarmed. Is there anything else you are wondering?’

‘Did he say anything when he woke up earlier?’

‘No, he was confused after the seizure. He got a shot not long after so he was unconscious when we were doing the tests. I know it may seem difficult but try to get some rest, both of you, whether you want to stay or go home, but make sure you are well rested tomorrow, he will need your support. He will sleep through the night, I advise you to do the same.’

‘What time tomorrow will you wake him up?’

‘That’s for doctor Murphy to decide, she is mr Sugden’s leadings physician as I can see in his chart. She’ll contact you before to make sure you’re by his side then. So don’t worry. Good night to you.’

Aaron and Victoria sit in silence a while, listening to the beeping of the machines.

‘You should go back to the hotel’ Victoria says at last. ‘Go and get some rest, you really need it. I’ll call if there is any change and you can come back here first thing tomorrow.’

Aaron’s first reaction is to oppose, he can’t leave Robert’s side, definitely not now. But he knows Victoria’s right. He’d be no use tomorrow if he’s this tired.

He barely remembers the drive to the hotel. The soft bed embraces him and he falls asleep almost instantly.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 - Aaron

He leaves the hotel before breakfast, stopping at the petrol station for coffee and a sandwich instead. He’s had a quick word with Chas, promising her to let her know as soon as there is any news. Complete silence from Victoria means probably that Robert’s been asleep the whole night. Aaron hopes Vic’s got some sleep of her own as well.

She is awake when he enters the room, chatting with Keith who is checking Robert’s vitals.

‘Quite a scare he gave you yesterday, huh?’ asks the nurse as he sees Aaron. 

‘You bet. Thought I’d loose him.’

‘Well, hopefully there won’t be any more such surprises, I heard dr Murphy wants to wake him up after the breakfast round. Have you talked to her yet?’

‘No, I’ve just come. Went straight here. Morning Vic.’

‘Morning yourself, I slept almost nothing last night. Have you bought any for me as well?’ Victoria asks seeing the paper cup I Aaron’s hand.

‘No, sorry. But you can have mine if you want’ he offers.

‘I’ll get some coffee for you along with some nice breakfast, you must be starving’ says Keith, smiling. ‘We don’t want you two passing out here as well’.

 

Two hours later there is a crowd of people in the room as dr Murphy accompanied by neurosurgeon and two nurses administers a drug to bring Robert up. She has explained to Aaron and Victoria earlier that it might not be so easy, a human brain being a complex organ. Aaron is crossing his fingers as hard as he can. He’s been also informed that as soon as Robert is ready, the police will need to talk to him.

It takes a while but finally the fingers of Robert’s right hand begin to move and before soon his eyes flutter open. 

‘There, there’ says dr Murphy. ‘Easy. You’re safe, you’re at the hospital. Just breathe, everything is going to be okay.’

Like a deer caught in the headlights, Aaron thinks when he sees Robert facial expression. His heart goes out to his husband and, if not for an earlier warning from dr Murphy about not making any movements in the first stage of the process, Aaron would go and hug Robert straight away. But it could possibly cause more damage so he stays put.

‘How are you feeling, Robert? Are you in any pain?’ the doctor asks, her voice soft and reassuring. Aaron wonders how many times she had done this. 

‘I feel..’ Robert’s voice comes out week and raspy. ‘I feel tired.... Where am I?’

‘You are in Rowley Regins hospital, in Blackheath. You were brought here four days ago by ambulance. You have suffered a nasty blow to your head so you may feel a little disoriented. This is absolutely nothing to worry about.’

‘I... I don’t remember, I..’ Robert’s clearly confused, it pains Aaron to see him like this.

‘Don’t worry, it will come back. Try to get some rest now. Your husband and sister are here and you have me and the nurses. We are taking good care of you, we’ll sort you out.’

‘Aaron?’ Robert asks in a small voice.

‘I’m here. Can I come closer?’ the question being directed at dr Murphy.

‘Of course. I’ll send a nurse here soon to check on you but now I’ll leave you to yourselves. Call us if anything’s wrong.’

Aaron takes a step closer as Robert stretches out his hand. In no time they are in a tight embrace, clinging to each other as if their lives depend on it. 

‘What happened?’ asks Robert a while later. ‘What am I doing here?’

Aaron is reluctant to tell Robert the truth having been instructed by the doctor to take it easy with his husband in the beginning. But Robert’s pleading eyes don’t leave him much choice.

‘We were hiking, remember?’

Robert shakes his head, tears in his eyes. 

‘We were hiking and you disappeared. They found you here, sixty miles from where I saw you last. That’s all we know. The police is hoping you could shed some light on what was happening to you while you were missing.’

‘I don’t know, I’m just.... everything is... I’m sorry, I just don’t know.’

‘Take it easy on him, will you?’ Victoria steps in. ‘He’s just woken up, of course he doesn’t remember.’ And then, turning to Robert: ‘Try to get some rest now, you need to let your head recover as well.’

‘Will you stay with me?’

‘Of course we will, I’m not leaving you for a second now’ Aaron half jokes. ‘Vic, can you please call mum? I promised to let her know as soon as Robert has woken up.’

‘Yeah, no problems.’ 

She goes out to make the call. 

‘I’m sorry if I scared you’ says Robert.

‘You don’t have to be sorry, your idiot. You were kidnapped, hardly your fault. But Vic is right, you should rest no, nothing good will come out of not taking care of yourself.’

‘I’m sleepy’ admits Robert.

‘Then sleep. I’ll be here, I promise.’


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19 - DCI Seeley 

There has gone two days since Robert Sugden woke up and it’s time for the detective to make a trip to West Midlands. She’s been talking with his doctor on the phone countless times, just to make sure they’ve got all the details right and have a plan how the interview should go. There are two things Cuyler is worried about, the first being the interview itself. She’s been told that Sugden is still in quite a fragile state state of mind, having remembered some of what happened but not all of it. These interviews can go in any direction, Cuyler knows that, it’s hard to predict the victim’s reactions to some questions.

The other thing is even more complicated as Cuyler has got news which she hasn’t shared with neither Aaron or Robert yet. Dr Murphy called her earlier and confirmed the test results, the detective asking her not to tell anyone else about her findings.

She is greeted by Catherine Murphy herself as she enters the ICU.

‘Hello, I hope you’ve had a nice trip’ says dr Murphy as she leads the detective to Robert’s room. ‘We will be moving him out of here today if all goes well, he’s doing a lot of progress.’

‘Will you release him soon as well?’

‘I depends on how the interview goes, among other things. He may remember something and need aid with how to handle it. So we’ll see.’

This is the first time DCI Seeley meets Robert Sugden but she’s glad he looks like he is recovering well. Aaron sits by his side, looking wary, taking the role of the family protector seriously and Cuyler smiles slightly to herself seeing this.

‘Hello Robert, you don’t know me but I’m DCI Cuyler Seeley, in charge of the investigation of your disappearance’ she presents herself.

‘Hi’ answers Robert ‘I hope your trip here won’t be wasted. I have already told the doctor that I don’t have anything of much use to say. I didn’t see who... who took me.’ There is a slight tremor in Robert’s voice, Cuyler hopes he will be able to cope with the interview.

‘Let’s see about that, shall we?’ she smiles encouragingly. ‘We will try to put together the pieces of information that Aaron’s given us and that you are about to tell and try to see a whole picture.’

She takes a seat by the bed on Robert’s right side. Aaron stays at his husband’ left side, holding his hand. Dr Murphy stands by the door having ensured the couple that she would monitoring the situation and step in if there is a need for it.

‘The eleventh of October you and Aaron took a trip to Chrome Hill in Peak District, is that correct?’

‘Yes’ Robert nods.

‘What was the purpose of this trip?’

‘I’ve already told you that!’ Aaron interrupts, sounding irritated.

‘Let Robert answer, please.’

‘It’s ok Aaron, I’m up to it, you don’t have to go all mother hen on me’ Robert smiles lightly. ‘We wanted to have a couple of days for ourselves, that’s it. Get away for a bit’ he says, looking at the detective.

‘As I understand it was you who chose the place, why there?’

‘Had a folder on my desk at work, some of the clients must have left it there. Seemed like a nice place. Well, it seemed like a nice place, before.... you know.’

‘Ok, did you discuss your plans with anyone else, apart from Aaron?’

‘No. But word spreads in the village, everyone knows each other’s business. So it wasn’t exactly a secret. But if someone planned to attack me, then why choose there? I work late nights, come home when the streets are empty, this just doesn’t make sense.’

‘We don’t know Robert, that’s why I’m asking all the questions. Aaron told me there was a car in the carpark when you came. Did you see it as well?’

‘I don’t remember... No, I don’t think I saw a car, no. But don’t take my word for that, it’s still hazy in my head, there are bits and pieces that don’t fit anywhere.’

‘You stepped on the path and walked a bit although the weather was changing, Aaron said. Which one of you made the decision to split up?’

‘I did’ 

Robert is corroborating Aaron’s version of the events so far. It’s good that he remembers this much, thinks DCI Seeley and hopes for more information.

‘Can you tell me what happened next? When you lost the sight of each other?’

‘I’m not sure... I walked a few yards and that’s the last thing I remember. Then I wake up in this cave or something’ Robert shudders as the memories flood him and Aaron squeezes his hand in reassurance ‘It’s pitch black, cold and damp in there. I’m wearing only my T-shirt and boxers and I’m freezing.... There is not much space so I can’t move around and I feel so dizzy...’ 

DCI Seeley sees that Robert is visibly shaken by bringing up the events from some days ago. But he’s holding up as for now but the detective promised Catherine Murphy to stop the interview if it causes Robert emotional discomfort. 

‘Is there anyone in the cave with you?’ Cuyler knows that the answer to the questions she is going to ask next may be crucial to the investigation.

‘No. Not as far as I know. I’m alone and I’m cold and I’m scared I’m gonna freak out, there is so little space there. I just think that I don’t want to die there but I can’t even scream for help, who would hear me underground?’

He doesn’t look at her anymore, caught up in the memory of his ordeal. Aaron pats his back gently saying words of comfort. DCI Seeley pours a glass of water and hands it to Robert.

‘Thanks’ he says, his voice sounding flat. ‘I didn’t think it would have this impact on me but it’s not a nice feeling reliving it all over again.’

‘That’s fully understandable. We can take a break it you wish.’

Robert swallows hard but shakes his head.

‘I just want to get over with this.’

‘It’s you call, just tell me if you want to stop. How long were you in the cave?’

‘Hard to tell. I must have fallen asleep, I was feeling sick and exhausted so I laid down on the ground and felt asleep or passed out or whatever. The next thing I know I’m in a forest and there are ants all over me.’

‘You don’t remember getting out, is that what you’re saying?’

‘I don’t think I got out, someone else must have moved me. I have no memories whatsoever between going to sleep in the cave and waking up in the forest.’

Cuyler is sceptical and thinks a while before asking the next question. ‘Do you remember any smell in the cave, anything that could indicate some drug being sprayed there? Anything unusual at all?’

‘No. I wish I had but... no, nothing. I wake up in the forest and have absolutely no idea what had happened to me. That’s the worst thing, you know. That I don’t know. I keep trying and trying and trying and thinking so much my head hurts but I don’t know. I’ve lost two days of my life and it’s complete darkness.’ There are tears in Robert’s eyes but he is still calm. Aaron, on the other hand, fidgets in his chair, his body language more and more hostile towards the detective.

‘I have some information that can shed some light on the whole incident’ Cuyler says, not really sure if Robert and Aaron are able to handle the news.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 - Robert 

It feels like he’s in the cave all over again. He can’t move, he can’t breathe, he can’t even signal something’s wrong. His whole body feels frozen, he’s lost control.

The detective’s words echoes in his head, over and over again: ‘We’ve found small traces of rohypnol in you blood. A rape drug. It corresponds with the damages that were discovered by the A&E team on your arrival.’

The world is spinning. He doesn’t hear the rest of what the police have to say, he doesn’t hear Aaron’s questions, he doesn’t hear the doctor asking DCI Seeley to suspend the interview, the only thing he hears is ‘rape’.

Someone is shaking him, someone is checking his pulse, he sees a worried face in front of him, the upper part of his bed is lowered down, he is given a breathing mask and rolled over to his left side, he feels someone squeezing his hand and then the whole world goes black.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21 - Aaron

‘What I really can’t understand is why you haven’t told us all of this earlier!’ Aaron screams. He is so angry it feels like he is going to explode. How could they?! Both the police and the medical staff, all of them has known this in days. Aaron is not sure he’ll ever trust any institution anymore. How could they?! How the hell could they?!!!

DCI Seeley is calm and it makes Aaron even more furious. ‘I’ve just had the presence of the drug confirmed today, in the morning. As doctor Murphy will surely explain to you it’s not that easy to detect it.’

‘But the damages, you knew about that! What did you think he’s reaction would be, huh? Not only having to go through all of this again, but then you dropping a bomb like that! What were you thinking?!’

‘I admit we could have told mr Sugden about this before. But I wanted to be sure.’

‘They did a rape test without telling him, for fuck’s sake! How is that even ethical?’

‘It’s a standard procedure’ Dr Murphy says. ‘In cases like this, under the circumstances Robert was brought in it would be negligent not to.’

Aaron wishes he hasn’t sent the rest of the family home. This is way to big for him to handle. He feels betrayed by both the police but, most of all, by doctor Murphy. He just wants to take Robert home and never set his foot again here.

‘You’ve drugged him again, haven’t you? So he doesn’t make a complaint?’ Aaron does not care what he says, how mad it sounds, he’s so hurt and angry and just wants it all out.

‘No, we haven’t “drugged him” as you call it, Aaron, we have given him tranquillisers, he was having a panic attack. He will wake up soon and hopefully we will be able to explain the whole situation to him then.’

‘The hell you will! You’re not coming near him, you hear me?! I want to transfer Robert to another hospital, we won’t stay here any longer than we have to. As soon as he’s awake...’

‘It’s mr Sugden’s decision, Aaron. I understand you are upset but we didn’t withhold this information without a good reason. I didn’t think it was the right time to break it to him earlier, he wasn’t ready.’ 

‘Like he was ready now!’ Aaron paces back and forth, having a sudden urge to punch someone. He knows he must controls his rage, it’s always landed him in bad places. The last thing he wants is being thrown out of here, leaving Robert alone.

‘Maybe you should take a walk and try to cool off a bit? And then we can talk in my office. Being angry now won’t change a thing.’

‘Don’t you patronise me and tell me what to do. I’ll tell you what I’ll do - I’ll go into his room now and wait until he wakes up. Then we will pack his belongings and go home!’

‘Don’t make hasty decisions, Aaron. Please, just think it through. Robert’s not ready to come home yet and it wouldn’t be fair moving him to yet another hospital and starting everything all over again.’

Without answering Dr Murphy, Aaron opens the door to Robert’s room and walks inside, closing the door firmly behind him. He needs to think.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22 - Robert 

Robert wakes up to a whole new reality, without any manual about how to handle it. How do you behave when it’s you who is the victim? How do you manage to filter out other people’s pity? How do you not pity yourself and stop hating yourself? How do you become yourself again? 

He despises the feelings that wash over him, making him a person he isn’t, someone he doesn’t know. Robert is not ready to switch roles with Aaron, he’s not ready to step aside from his position as the almost untouchable. He’s been the alfa male in their relationship even if Aaron would never admit it. He’s the provider, he’s the one taking the lead, the problem solver, he’s the strong one.   
Except that he isn’t. Not anymore. 

He lays awake not knowing how to take it from here. What should he say to the rest of the family? Should he say anything at all? Giving Aaron advice when he was in a similar situation was one, taking those advices himself in a whole different matter. An array of different scenarios goes through Robert’s head, maybe they should move from the village altogether, starting afresh somewhere else, where no one knows them? Because he’s not sure he would ever be able to face his family and friends after this. 

In the end he needs to go to the toilet so he’s got to figure out how to cheat his weak muscles, they feel like they’re made of cotton. Robert is reluctant to cry for help, he doesn’t want to start being dependable.

Using the metal side of the bed he hauls himself up, trying to overcome the dizziness that comes with the change of the position. He breaths deeply a few times and it helps, if only for a while. Robert swings his legs down on the floor and he’s almost there, he’s almost standing beside the bed when his knees give up, sending him crashing loudly onto the floor. 

The door to his room opens with a bang and Aaron is beside him, helping him up.

‘What do you think you’re doing, you idiot? Did you hurt yourself?’ There is so much concern in Aaron’s voice, Robert feels so bad for being the cause of it.

‘No, I just need the loo’ he says. ‘I’m sorry for scaring you.’

‘Wait, I’ll help you’ and in a second Aaron is leading him to the toilet. 

When he’s back in bed, panting heavily of the strain that the short trip to the toilet has caused, he notices Aaron looking at him with even more concern.

‘I’m not dying, you know. You don’t have to give me that look. I’m not dying and I’m not gonna break, I can’t break. I won’t...I...’ doesn’t matter how hard he tries, he can’t stop the tears from flowing, it’s like a dam breaking, the spasms wrecking his body and when he thinks it’s over it starts all over again.

‘I’m here. Whatever happens, I’m here, Aaron’s voice is warm and comforting, his hand caressing Robert hair. ‘I’m here and I will get us through this.’

The exhaustion catching up with him, Robert falls asleep at last, cocooned in Aaron’s tight embrace.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m about halfway through the story, let me know if you want me continuing it :)

Chapter 23 - The hospital 

 

They try talking about it later, Robert having heard about his husband’s altercation with Dr Murphy and DCI Seeley. Although there is nothing more Aaron wants than to leave the hospital and head home, Robert is not sure it’ll be for the best. He feels safe here, he’s not even close to being ready to face the outside world. And there is the question of if he can trust himself out there. A seizure and a panic attack, it does things to you. What if it happens again? What if it happens at home with Seb around? The hospital room has become his security blanket and Robert is more than reluctant to let it go.

‘At least ask if you can change the doctor’ Aaron pleads but Robert won’t have any of this. He’s not ready going for a crusade with the hospital staff. Fighting and arguing is the last thing he wants right now.

After having calmed down, Aaron finally agrees to talk to Dr Murphy. They sit in her office, all tree of them, the doctor having insisted that Robert needs to start making short walks and keeping his blood circulation going. It’s a peace offer as well, there is coffee and some chocolate biscuits.

‘You are doing really well. You’re up, you are eating, all tests are coming back ok. You will be moved to a general ward in a day or two, you don’t need to stay in the ICU anymore. That’s good news, aye?’

A nod and an unsure smile from Robert. 

‘Is it really a good idea?’ Aaron is not so certain. ‘He’s not well, you can see it for yourself.’

‘We are not discharging him altogether yet if that’s what you’re worried about.’ And then turning to Robert: ’I’ve contacted the psychologist on duty, he will come by hopefully already today to have a bit of a chat with you if that’s ok.’

Again, a nod and not much else.

‘I know this is hard for you Robert,’ the doctor says‘ but sooner or later you will have to hear the rest. I agree with Aaron that we should have broken this you earlier, at least before the interview. We made a mistake, I’m not afraid admitting it.’ 

Robert’s not looking at her, he’s looking down, his hand squeezing Aaron’s so hard Aaron is afraid he will brake it. Let him, he thinks. He tries to ignore the physical pain, he’ll deal with it later.

‘There is more?’ Could he handle more? Could anyone?

‘Not exactly more, it’s a question of how instead. It’s actually the police who should be telling you this but I’ve agreed with DCI Seeley that I’ll talk you you first. You see, the lab didn’t find any traces of semen or any dna other than yours, in the samples that were sent there. But not far away from where you’d been found a patrol discovered a glass bottle with your blood on and in it. DCI Seeley thinks it’s the bottle that was used to rape you with.’

Never in his whole life has Robert felt so humiliated as he feels now. Aaron lets out a gasp, covering his mouth with his free hand. Robert lets go of his other hand and starts rocking back and forth in his chair. He can’t do it. He doesn’t want to do it. This can’t be happening.

‘Do you want to lay down?’ Aaron is scared this is going to end in another panic attack or even worse. ‘Robert, do you hear me?’

Dr Murphy presses a button and in no time there is a nurse coming into the office.

‘Get a gurney’ the doctor says. ‘We need to get him back to his room.’

The nausea sweeping over him, Robert throws up all over the floor. Can someone just please take him away from here? Can he just rewind the last few days or erase them from his mind? 

He’s wheeled back to his room and the nurses make the best to clean him up. Aaron is hoovering over them, making sure he and Robert have eye contact all the time, making sure his husband knows Aaron’s there. 

‘Don’t tell anyone else. Please, don’t tell anyone else, Aaron. No one must know.’ And how can Aaron deny him that? The last thing he himself wants is to deal with it alone but what choice does he have?


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24 - Nurse Keith

It’s windy outside, the weather showing it’s mischievous side once again. Windy and raining and that means more accidents, more patients already in or on the way. More to do but time passing by a lot faster as well.

Keith has been busy in the last few hours and is heading for his six o’clock break when he hears sobbing coming from the tiny waiting room, just outside the patients’ rooms. As he gets closer his eyes fall upon the partner of the guy in number five, Aaron is his name if Keith’s not mistaken.

‘Everything alright?’ the nurse asks, concerned. Not having received a response he comes even closer. ‘Do you need anything?’

Aaron looks at him with puffy eyes, still not saying a word so Keith sits down beside him, looking at him intensely. ‘Do you want me to call anyone?’

‘No, he doesn’t want anyone knowing’ Aaron chokes out through the tears. ‘He’s afraid people would look down on him so he doesn’t want them knowing.’

‘Knowing what? What’ happened?’ The concern in Keith’s voice is genuine, he really feels sorry for those two.

‘About the rape. He’s frantic I would tell my mum and it would come out and...’ Aaron accepts the handkerchief that Keith offers. He dries his eyes but new tears are already welling up.

‘And what do you want?’

‘I doesn’t matter. But I don’t think I can cope with all of this alone. And I dread coming home, we’ve got a kid, you know? He’ll be two soon, he’s actually Robert’s but I’ve adopted him. Robert’s afraid to come back home, he feels dirty, he’s not sure he wants Seb around...’

‘A tricky matter, I see. But it takes time, you know? The healing, I mean. Let it take time, don’t rush him.’

Aaron chews on his lip for a while and then decides he may as well come clean. ‘I know it takes time, I’ve been through this myself, well not exactly the same situation but close enough. And I know that it didn’t make me a happier person, holding it all inside. It was Robert who helped me accept it at last and I’d like to return the favour but... but Robert’s Robert. It’s his pride being hurt here as well... And I know him, once he’s made up his mind... you know.’

Keith smiles, mostly to himself, thinking about Mike. He gets the picture.

‘Ha, I know. I know exactly. But hey, just tell him how you feel. Tell him that he needs to surround himself with kind people now but if they’re to help him he needs to tell them about all this.’

The time for Keith’s break has passed a long time ago and he should be getting back to work but he can’t leave Aaron like this.

‘Do you want me to talk to him? I won’t mention the conversation you and I had but I can give it a try if you want?’

‘He’ll be moving out of here tomorrow to the general ward and he’s asleep now so..’

‘I can come by anyway, the hospital’s not so big, I’ll find you even if you’re somewhere else.’

‘That would be great, thanks. I really appreciate that you took your time’ Aaron gives Keith a smile. It feels a bit uplifting meeting such a kind person here, someone Aaron doesn’t have to wear a mask in front of.’

‘You’re welcome mate. Now go and get some tea, they’re serving it in the canteen now. You look like you need to eat.’


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m a sucker for comments so keep them coming ;)

Chapter 25 - DCI Seeley 

Cuyler Seeley returns to the hospital the following day. She needs to get a proper statement from Robert and there is no medical reason as to why he should not be interviewed. She knows his partner doesn’t agree, but taking everyone’s feelings into consideration would never allow her solve any cases.

After a quick briefing at the doctor’s office she heads towards the room number five. She catches Aaron packing his husband’s things. There is no sight of Robert.

‘Hello Aaron’ Cuyler says in the kindest voice she’s capable of. She doesn’t want him as an enemy, she needs his cooperation on this. 

‘He’s in the canteen’ Aaron says in a flat voice. ‘I won’t pretend I’d be happiest not having to meet you again but I understand you’ve got job to do. You’d better find who did this to him, that much you owe us.’ His bitterness doesn’t bother the detective much. As long as they are both answering he questions, Cuyler doesn’t mind if they like her or not.

‘Are you leaving the hospital?’ she asks, pointing at the bag that Aaron is filling up.

‘No, just moving a floor down. I suppose he will be discharged in a couple of days.’

‘Let me know when you’re going home, I will need an address and a phone number.’

‘Yeah, sure. I’ll give you a call when we’re leaving.’

Robert is pale and looks tired when he enters the room a while later. He supports himself on a walker and a male nurse is right behind him.

‘Just call me if you need anything’ the nurse says, leaving the room.

‘Have you eaten?’ Aaron enquires as he helps Robert reach the bed.

‘Yes Aaron, I have eaten. Please stop this fussing, I’m not a child.’

‘All right, all right, just wondering. Who knows when there’s food next time, I don’t want you passing out of hunger.’

‘Stop this’ Robert says through gritted teeth. 

Cuyler observes the pair wondering what’s going on between them and if it could possibly jeopardise the interview. She prays not, as cold as it may sound, the detective hopes they can put the differences aside and behave. It may turn out to be a rocky ride for Robert again and if she is to get some useful information out of him, he might need all the support from his husband’s side.

‘Nice to see you up and running, Robert’ Cuyler says, smiling encouragingly.

‘Shall we just get on with it?’ he says, letting out a sigh. He’s clearly not in a mood. Cuyler wonders if he’s in pain or is it something else that has happened.

‘Of course. But this time you are going to tell me if you need a break, ok? Do you want me to call for Dr Murphy to join us?’

‘No need. I’ll tell you if we need to stop.’

‘Okay. As I’ve heard the doctor told you about the bottle. What I need you to think about and tell me is if at any point you saw some else or heard a sound or a smell or anything that might be useful. I know it’s hard but try to think about when you woke up in the cave. Did you know what had happened?’

‘I knew I was trapped. I still don’t remember much of it, it feels like a puzzle with half of the pieces missing. But no, I don’t think I noticed anything. It smelled a cave.’

‘Alright. You didn’t feel anyone touching you either?’

Robert is trying to control his breathing, not very successful though. Cuyler wonders if he has been talking about it with a psychologist yet. He definitely should.

‘No. But it wouldn’t be possible, not there. There was so little space there.’

‘Well, that’s really useful information, it means the assault took place somewhere else. Did you at any point feel that something like that could have happened to you?’

‘No. It was the drug, wasn’t it? That’s why it all seems so foggy? That’s why I don’t remember?’

‘Yes, I assume that was the purpose. You told me earlier that you don’t remember getting out of the cave, is that still the case?’

‘Yes. I’m sorry but I really can’t help you more. I don’t remember anything.’

‘It’s ok, at least we have it established now. I’m going to be honest with you two. As for now we don’t have any evidence pointing us to a possible direction. We don’t have a motive unless you can name someone holding a grudge against you so big that it would be enough to do this to you. Is there anyone you can think about?’

‘No.’

‘It was well planned and well executed, that much I must give to the attacker. You were not severely hurt and he or she let you go. If no new evidence comes to light I will have no choice than to prioritise down this case. I’m sorry.’

Silver tears runs down Robert’s cheeks but apart from that he seems calmer this time. DCI Seeley feels sorry for him as she feels for any other victim, not being granted a closure but he can count himself lucky anyway. He’s alive, traumatised but alive.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26 - Aaron

 

Robert’s not talking. After being transferred to a new room in another ward, he’s buried himself under the blankets and pretends he’s asleep. He’s not even out when the psychologist comes so the doctor leaves empty handed, promising Aaron he’ll be back later.

They spend half of the day like this, Aaron browsing through the magazines and Robert being silent, hidden under the layers of the fabric. Nurses come and go, the lunch is served, then there’s a doctor having a round and Robert’s not coming out. He hasn’t eaten the whole day, it becomes worrying. In the end Aaron can’t stand it anymore.

‘You can’t stay there forever, I’ll drag you out if I need to, we need to talk, Rob’ it comes out a bit harsh and seeing the pain his husband’s eyes when he finally lifts up the blankets gives Aaron feelings of guilt. 

‘Do you really think I want to? How would you feel if you couldn’t remember anything either?! He could have done anything he wanted with me and I don’t remember a thing! And now we’ll never know who it was... He may be out there, targeting someone else now and we can do nothing, absolutely nothing to stop him!’

‘They are not closing the case, Robert.’

‘You must be mad if you believe that they’ll be working on it now. It’s like she said, low priority now. I’m low priority. My life’s in pieces and all I am is a low priority!’

‘You’re the highest priority to me, Robert.’ Aaron tries to hug him but Robert sheds away. ‘You will always be. And I want you to get better but you need to accept the help because there is help.’

‘Yeah, is that why you send the nurse at me, huh? Everyone’s just nagging and nagging and nagging at me, can you all just leave me alone? Can you leave me alone, Aaron?!’

Aaron knows his husband doesn’t mean it but he feels hurt anyway. ‘Okay. Let’s have it your way. I’m going for a walk, I’ll leave you be for a while. But please, we need to talk about what to do after that. We need a plan. You can sleep now, or think of do whatever you want but consider the options we have. Please.’

Robert’s not even looking at him when Aaron closes the door. 

 

Aaron is trying to enjoy some hours off, being outside and breathing the crisp October air. It’s really lovely in the park close to the hospital, leaves turning all shades of yellow and brown, contrasting with the still green grass.

He sips a takeaway coffee and eats a cupcake, treating himself for the first time in, as it seems, ages. There are not so many other people in the park, mostly families with children and Aaron wonders what day it actually is. He’s lost count being in the hospital’s four walls for far too long. He tries not to ponder too much about the current situation, instead he thinks it’s going to be nice to head home soon. He misses Seb, he misses Liv and feels a little guilty for not calling her. He knows Chas has spoken to her but it should be him talking to his younger sister. He promises himself to give her a ring later, maybe even convince Robert they could do it together.

He’s on his way back to the hospital when his phone buzzes. A number he doesn’t recognise and a male voice on the other side.

‘Is it Aaron Dingle I’m talking to?’ the voice asks.

‘Yeah, what’s the matter?’

‘I’m calling from the hospital, you have to come here quickly. Your husband’s missing.’

The whole world stops.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27 - Aaron 

Aaron’s lungs are burning as he’s running as fast as he can, through the park, through the crossing, almost being run over by a car, down the sidewalk and, finally stopping to catch his breath, just outside the hospital. 

A doctor is waiting for him in the reception area, looking deeply concerned. 

‘I just want you to know that we are doing everything we can to find mr Sugden, we are going through the cctv to trace his movements and I have staff checking all the toilets and other places he could be hiding in.’

‘You think he’s hiding? Why should he?’ Aaron is on a verge of panicking. 

‘Just after you left a nurse came to check on him and found him a bit... well, not angry but upset. He threw her out, more or less, she went to fetch a doctor but by the time they came back he was already gone. He’s not in the ward, he’s not on the roof, that’s the first thing we checked.’

‘But she left him in this state? You know he’s been through hell and you leave him alone when he’s not well?!’

‘There was no reason not to, he was upset, that’s all. But I know from my experience that sometimes patients just need to shield themselves away from the world and they seek a private place. That’s what I think happened here.’

‘But you checked the roof, do you think he might be suicidal?’ Aaron prays the answer is no, because then he should have seen it before, shouldn’t he? And if something happened to Robert now he would never ever forgive himself.

‘We haven’t got a chance to talk to your husband as he refused to meet dr Anjay, the psychologist. So we don’t know. But I have talked with the nurse in question and Robert didn’t seem depressed, just angry. That’s why I don’t think we need to worry that he is going to hurt himself. I think it’s best if you go back to his room and wait there. I can sent someone to keep you company as I understand you’re shocked.’

Dazed, Aaron agrees and is led back to Robert’s room. The room itself is a mess, the blankets lying tangled on the floor, the contents of Robert’s bag spread all over the bed, a chair standing previously under the window, now upside down close to the door.

‘What the hell?’ screams Aaron. ‘What has happened here? Who’s done all of this???!’

‘The room was in this state when the nurse came back, this is another reason why I don’t think Robert is suicidal. I though I’d be cleaned up by now, I’ll send a cleaner here straight away.’

Aaron is left alone in the room, having absolutely no idea what to do next. But he can’t just stand here, he needs to do something, occupy his mind with something, put his hands to work. And so he starts cleaning, not waiting got the staff dr “whatever his name was” has promised. It feels good, it’s feels that he is useful. In no time the room is back to its previous state and when the cleaning lady arrives, all she has to do is to wipe the floor.

But there is still no sight of Robert. And although Aaron has promised him not to tell anyone about the rape, he feels that these shoes as far too big for him. He needs to talk to someone. He needs to get this off his chest and get some comfort himself. So he does what he should have done a while ago and calls Chas.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the nice comments :)

Chapter 28 - Aaron 

It’s late in the evening when Aaron receives a call from the A&E. Robert’s been missing for six hours and after checking the security tapes, the hospital director called the police, seeing as Robert had left the hospital. His current state described a “vulnerable” sets the wheels into motion and soon after there are two patrol cars looking for him in the city.

Aaron runs to the A&E, not sure what to expect as the only information they have given him is that his husband had been found and is undergoing medical examination. 

He is angry, he can’t deny it. Relieved but angry as hell. Robert’s better have a good excuse for this. Acting so selfishly, just running away when what he should do instead is talk to someone. Aaron’s been out of his mind worrying, again, thinking the worst must have happened. 

But as he opens the door he’s been pointed to and sees a figure curled up on the bed with a tearstained face, all the anger disappears. 

‘I’m sorry’ Robert just says. ‘Please don’t be mad. I just had to get out. I couldn’t breathe here.’

‘You scared the shit out of me, Rob.’ Again, he wants to add but stops himself. ‘I thought... I thought.. I don’t know what I was thinking, just please, don’t do it ever again. Talk to me, scream at me, hit me, whatever, just please don’t disappear again.’

‘I promise.’ 

‘You ok? Are you hurt? I’ve seen the mayhem in your room, what happened there?’

‘Couldn’t find my sweatshirt. Got angry. I don’t know why, it’s just... I can’t control it.’

Few moments later there is s knock and a nurse walks in.

‘You’re reunited I see’ she smiles. ‘I just need a blood sample mr Sugden, do you mind rolling up the sleeve for me?’

Robert winces as she plugs the needle into his arm. Aaron knows he’s not so keen on all the probing but hopes he Robert can put up with it for a while longer.

‘That’s it, we’re done here. I think you’ll be moved back to your room soon, as soon as the doctor has looked at you. Do you experience any discomfort?’

‘No, I’m just cold. Can I have another blanket, please?’

‘Of course, I’ll fetch it right away.’ 

‘Where did you go?’ asks Aaron as the nurse has left after tucking Robert in two additional blankets.

‘I was walking around. Until I couldn’t walk anymore, then I sat on a bench in some park. I was trying to think it all through, to sort it out in my head. And then couldn’t find my way back and it was dark and no one around and I got this feeling... and I was worried you’d be mad and I sort of...’ He’s almost stuttering and Aaron fears he’s heading towards another panic attack.

‘Robert, slow down and breath, right? You got scared because it was dark? Because it reminded you of the cave?’

‘I guess so. And now I know I can’t handle being out after dark as well... How am I supposed to continue like this?’

‘You should talk to a professional, you know? It’ll drive you mad otherwise. Trust me, Robert, I know it will. I’ve been there and it’s you who helped me, who made me realise that I needed to make up with my past, with what happened, once for all. Let me help you now. Don’t shut yourself in, don’t shut me out.’

Robert is crying, trying in vain to dry the tears that just run and run and run. ‘I don’t know how’ he says eventually. ‘I don’t know how, Aaron.’

 

He stays the night in the A&E, the doctor deciding it would be easier to keep an eye of him there as he’s having problems maintaining right body temperature. He is shivering no matter how many extra blankets the nurses come with, not even flasks with hot water helping.

‘It’s probably because you’ve been skipping meals. And being out in this cold the whole evening doesn’t help either’ the doctor says, his face worried. ‘I’ll put you on an IV and we’ll se tomorrow if you’re in a batter shape then.’

And in the morning Robert seems to feel better, even eating some of the breakfast. After an additional checkup he’s moved back to the ward and there is even mention of discharging him the next day. But Aaron knows that despite the fact that his husband couldn’t stand being here yesterday, he’s not ready to leave. 

‘There is no need holding you here anymore’ Robert’s doctor says. ‘We will sent your journal to Hotten General and they will call you in for an extra checkup in two weeks time. I’ll give you a number to your local victims support line so you can get in touch with them whenever you need.’

Aaron notices Robert stiffens as it all becomes real again. 

‘It’ll be alright’ he whispers encouragingly. ‘Once we’re home you’ll be fine, you’ll see.’ He badly needs to believe it himself. With Robert’s mood swings, this could turn into a really bumpy ride. Aaron’s glad his mum is getting the Mill ready for their arrival and hopes he would be able to talk to her properly once they’re home.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To all of you wondering if this story is turning into “bash the hell out of Robert and let Aaron pick up the pieces” fic, I want to say that the police haven’t dropped the case yet and it will come out who the kidnapper was and why. Just sayin’ :)

Chapter 29 - Going home

 

The plan is to go right after the breakfast round. All the bags packed, prescriptions for some mild sleeping pills in his pocket, Robert is sitting on the bed, waiting for the doctor to come and discharge him. Aaron has even fetched the car, parking it as close as possible, just to spare Robert a long walk. Last night neither of them slept well, Robert having occurring nightmares, waking up all the time. Aaron, who’s been sleeping mostly in the armchair is so tired he just wants to drive home and finally lay in his own bed.

The doctor’s late, lunch is served and he still hasn’t come. Aaron and Robert are told by the senior nurse to have patience, she’s sure he will turn up soon. So they wait. And wait. And wait.

It takes three more hours before the door opens an team consisting of a doctor and two nurses comes in. By this time Aaron is bored out of his mind.

‘How are you feeling today?’ The doctor is a jovial type. ‘Sorry for the delay, we’re short on staff today.’

‘I’m fine’ says Robert. ‘Just tired of waiting.’

Reading his chart the doctor frowns slightly. ‘I see you haven’t had a visit from dr Anjay yet. I can check if he’s available if you want to.’

‘No thanks, we just want to go home.’ The last thing Robert needs right now is to wait some more.

‘As you wish. Are you experiencing any headaches?’

‘No.’

‘Problem concentrating?’

‘No.’

‘Seeing double?’

‘No.’

‘Well, then you’re free to go. Make sure to get the pills you’ve got prescribed, they’re not addictive and they will help you sleep. And good luck.’

And with that they’re gone. Aaron stands dumbfounded.

‘Did we just waste a whole day waiting for this? Is that all? We could have gone ages ago, he could have asked you all this on the phone. He didn’t even examine you. How could he possibly know you’re alright?’ Aaron starts ranting but realises it won’t probably help. It will definitely not help Robert, nervous as he already is about the whole going back to the village thing.

If it wasn’t enough the hospital pharmacy is out of stock so they have to visit two other pharmacies before the get hold of the pills. And by the time they’re on their way the clock is past six and it’s dark outside.

Aaron’s driving steadily, adapting the speed to the road conditions. It’s raining slightly, the traffic’s heavy so it takes time. Robert is dozing off, snoring lightly. Aaron puts the radio on, singing along as he tries to concentrate on the road, doing his best not to fall asleep.

As he makes a turn for the A1, Aaron notices the car behaving funny. A second later there is an explosion in the left front tyre and, for a second, the car is out of control. Robert wakes up with a gasp just as Aaron manages to steer the vehicle to the road side.

‘What was that?’ Wide eyed and frightened, Robert is trying to figure out if he’s still dreaming.

‘One of the tyres exploded. I put on the warning lights but we need to get out of the car. It’s dangerous sitting here, take your jacket and get out..’ And seeing there is no reaction from Robert he adds: ‘The car is halfway on the lane, we may get hit by some other car, get out, I said!’

Still shocked, Robert gets out and the sight of him tells Aaron that’s something’s not right.

‘Sorry I screamed at you’ he apologises. ‘But I’ve seen too many cars being in a accident on the motorway after getting a flat tyre or something. Everyone speeds like hell here, see?’

‘Yeah’ comes a short answer.

‘I got scared myself when the tyre went, you wouldn’t know the explosion is so violent.. You’re sure you’re ok?’ It’s dark outside and Aaron doesn’t know if Robert can handle it, thinking about his last incident the previous day.

‘Can you just call a road assistance or something, I don’t want staying here. And it’s cold. And I’m tired. But I’m fine, don’t worry.’

They sit on the slope by the motorway, freezing as it’s windy and the rain no longer a drizzle, more like a shower now. Neither of them’s got clothes for the weather, Aaron is cursing himself for not getting their bags out of the boot. He won’t risk getting back to the car now. 

The road assistance on the way, there is nothing more to do than wait. Aaron puts his arms protectively around Robert, sharing the precious little warmth he has left.

‘We’ll catch a cold in this weather’ he mutters, more to himself but Robert laughs at him.

‘You don’t actually catch a cold being out in the cold, Aaron. It’s viruses and bacteria that makes you sick.’ He sneezes right after, making Aaron explode in uncontrolled laughter. God, he’s missed those little bits of everyday happiness. He misses Robert, his cheekiness and smugness, his ‘I know best’ attitude. It breaks his heart over and over again seeing his husband this broken, out of control of his own feelings. Aaron is sure it’s really hard for Robert not being able to get back to his own self.

‘Whatever you say, being around doctors and pretty nurses for a while now, you must have picked some of the knowledge, huh?’ Aaron teases. 

‘You had your chance as well, I saw the male nurse flirting with you more than once.’ Robert shots back, pretending to be jealous.

‘He wasn’t my type anyway. And had a man of his own at home, a stubborn one as well, you know, the type that never listens to anyone else.’ It’s so good to be able to joke a bit again. 

There is a flash of lights an an assistance truck rolls in front of their car. It doesn’t take much time fastening the vehicle but it’s no chance any mechanic will fix it today. The wheel is damaged and they don’t have a spare, otherwise Aaron could have done it himself.

‘I can give you a lift to the town’ the man in the truck says. ‘You may catch a bus from there if you want’ 

But spending the whole evening in a bus is not what Aaron wants. All he wishes for is a warm shower and a comfortable bed.

‘Otherwise, my sister runs a B&B nearby, maybe it’s a better idea? You being soaked wet, I mean.’

A quick glance at Robert confirms Aaron’s fears about his husband being eager to postpone coming back home. It’s late, they’re cold and hungry and without anywhere to dry or change their clothes, the decision is easily made. The B&B it is.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30 - Aaron

He’s the big spoon, holding Robert tight in his embrace. It’s the third time this night they try to settle down and fall asleep. Not even the sleeping pills keep nightmares at bay and Robert is still shaking after the last one, making a poor effort in hiding it.

The wind outside howls, the rain is whipping the windows and the clock on the bedside table shows 03:26. At least the mattress is soft, Aaron comforts himself with. Even if it’s to no use. He seriously considers getting up, if it wasn’t for Robert he would have put his training suit on and went out running, sod the weather. But he can’t leave his husband alone.

He shifts slightly, his right arm has fallen asleep and he needs to move it. Robert shifts as well, turning his head toward Aaron.

‘We should have taken two rooms instead, at least then you could get some sleep’ he sighs.

‘It’s not that bad, I’ll live. I’m more worried about you, those nightmares seem quite violent.’

Robert is silent for a while and then says ‘I don’t remember the assault but I keep dreaming that I feel it. And it hurts so much. And in the dreams there is no one coming for me...’

Aaron strokes his cheek lightly, wondering how long does it takes before Robert’s ready to get some help, praying that his husband realises soon that he won’t be able to fix it on his own. If not even the tablets help then he’ll be in trouble soon. He’s not coping and everyone knows where these things can lead you.

 

They manage to fall asleep again but the bliss doesn’t last long. Aaron wakes up by the sound of footsteps and sees the bathroom door closing. Soon after there is retching sound coming from there and Aaron is on his feet at once.

Robert hugs the toilet bowl, throwing up all of his stomach contents, his face pale, sweat drops gathering on his forehead, his whole body shaking. Aaron pats his back asking if he wants some water but there is no response. 

‘Rob?’

‘Go ‘way’ comes a slurry reply. 

‘You gonna be sick again? You can’t stay here, on the floor. I can help you go back to bed.’

‘Don’t. I can’t...’ Robert can’t even focus his eyes on Aaron and his knees are shaking so much so he collapses on the floor.

‘Shit’ Aaron mutters under his breath. ‘Robert? Rob? Do you hear me?’

‘No ‘spital’ 

The stubborn idiot, Aaron thinks to himself. He understands though, hospital means explaining and he’s quite sure Robert doesn’t want to talk to anyone else about his ordeal.

‘Ok, no hospital. But I need to get you to bed, ok? You can’t stay here. I’m gonna try to carry you but you have to help me on this. Are you gonna be sick again?’ he needs to check, can’t have Robert throw up all over the floor in the tiny bedroom.

‘No.’

He manages half carry half drag Robert to the bed and by the time they’re there, he is covered in sweat himself. It’s warm in the room and it smells faintly of vomit so he opens the window, letting some fresh air in. 

Robert is lying motionlessly on his right side, his breath coming in short rasps. He’s still shaking, making Aaron doubt if staying here instead of going to the hospital is the best idea but knows at the same time that arguing with Robert now is even worse. We’ll wait ‘till tomorrow, if he’s not better then I will give him no choice, he thinks. He doesn’t voice it, though, no point in that.

Finally, exhausted, Robert falls asleep, leaving Aaron to clean the bathroom up. The dawn breaks before he’s finished and he sourly thinks he must be cursed, being robbed of a good night’s sleep again. He wonders if Robert’s breakdown has to do with him winding himself up about returning home and if it could get worse once they’re there.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31 - Robert

The day finds them both asleep, Robert in the double bed, lying across it, and Aaron cuddled up on the tiny sofa by the window. It’s Robert waking up first, the bitter taste in his mouth reminding him of last night’s events. He gets up carefully, not wanting to wake Aaron up. As he steers toward the bathroom on still shaky legs, he wonders what state it would be in. Maybe it’s best to give the B&B’s owner a call and ask her for some cloths and cleaning stuff? 

But as he enters the bathroom he sees it’s in impeccable state and feels a wave of gratitude towards his husband. He should show the gratitude more often, Robert thinks, he takes too much for granted. Aaron has been nothing but patient, has shown so much love and care during the last week, it makes Robert wonder if he’s really worth it. How is he ever going to be able to repay the favour?

He is startled by the sight of himself in the tiny bathroom mirror. It’s been over a week since he has done anything with his hair and although he’s been shaving every day, he still doesn’t like the looks of himself. Taming his vain side just a while longer, Robert brushes his teeth, disregarding the rest.

The nightmares don’t seem so vivid in the daylight but he’s still shaken up by them. He’s got nightmares after the kidnapping before but not like this, not even close. He will have to get stronger sleeping pills if he’s to get any sleep at all. Aaron will probably not approve arguing it’s the wrong way to go. And it’s not the right way but Robert can’t bring himself to open up for anyone else. He can’t see how he could possibly go through it all again.

‘Feeling better?’ Robert jumps up as Aaron comes behind him, his hands around Robert’s waist. 

‘A bit. Had some sleep at last.’

‘Ready to go home then? After breakfast, of course?’

‘As ready as I will ever be’ says Robert but both he and Aaron know it’s not true. He’s terrified, that’s a more correct answer. He’s terrified they will all find out. He’s terrified of how they will look at him. He’s terrified they will pity him. Forever. Talk behind his back. Point him out in the street. Questioning if he’s capable of taking care his own son. Because, let’s face it, he can’t even take care of himself. He let this happen. He booked the trip, he got ambushed. He got raped and can’t even remember a thing. What kind of man is he? What kind of man can’t defend himself against this? 

Obviously he tells none of it to Aaron. He promises he’ll be fine and yes, he can’t wait to have breakfast. But deep down he knows that Aaron knows. There is no need for words.

 

Aaron gets hold of a mechanic soon after they have eaten and in no time the car is drivable again, making it impossible to halt the coming home moment any longer. After an hour on the road they finally see the road sign with the village name.

‘Stop the car’ whispers Robert, barely audible at first and Aaron misses it, having his full attention on the news on the radio.

‘Stop the car!’ Robert screams.

Aaron steps on the brakes, startled. Luckily there is no car behind them, otherwise they could have caused a collision.

‘Hey, breathe Rob’ Aaron sees his husband’s pale face. He doesn’t wait for any response, instead he pulls the car to a roadside and hurries out, round the vehicle and to Robert’s door.

‘You’re okay. Just breathe, it will pass.’

‘I can’t do it. I can’t do it Aaron’ 

‘Yes, you can. I’m here, focus on me, alright? I know it’s hard but you’ll be fine once you’ve controlled your breathing. You can do it, Rob, just in and out, yeah?’

It takes a while and a promise from Aaron that they don’t have to see anyone today before Robert has calmed down. He feels drained, physically and mentally, wishing he could just sink into his own bed and stay there forever. Soon, he reminds himself. Soon they will be home. Then they can just shut the world out.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32 - Chas

She is about to leave the charge of the Woolpack to Charity and head to the Mill when her phone rings.

‘Oh, hello love’ she answers seeing it’s Aaron. ‘You’re coming home soon, I suppose? I was just about to get the car keys and...’

‘Change of plans, mum, he doesn’t want to meet anyone. We’re already home, he freaked out when Liv asked how he was doing and now he’s in bed. Had a panic attack before we drove into the village as well, I could barely calm him down.’

Oh dear, she thinks. 

‘A panic attack?’ the question comes out just a bit too loudly and Chas realises her mistake, seeing Charity stop cleaning glasses and starting to eavesdrop. 

‘Yeah, he had a breakdown yesterday as well so I don’t want to put any pressure on him now. I wondered if you could ask Diane to have Seb a couple of days more, I need to take care of this first.’

‘Of course, I’ll talk to her. Call me if you need anything, right?’

‘Who’s having a panic attack?’ asks Charity before Chas has got time to think of some lie.

‘No one is having a panic attack, mind your own business, you.’

‘I heard you said it clearly, babe. Is it Aaron?’

‘Oh, just leave it, will you? Aaron’s fine, I’ve just talked to him.’ This is not going well, Chas thinks. No one but her is supposed to know about what really happened to Robert, she hasn’t even told Paddy. To all the rest it’s just a kidnapping with a happy ending.

‘Then it must be Robert’ Charity just won’t drop it. ‘Are they already home?’

‘Yes, they’ve just arrived. Don’t you have anything else to do? We have s pub to run, you know?’

‘Then why aren’t you on your way there? I thought you were supposed to cook dinner to them today and have some quality time with them, huh?’ Charity is not listening to her.

‘Change of plans, they want to get some rest instead. Simple as that’ Chas tries, she really does but Charity has known her for too long not to see through this simple lie.

‘Or something happened. Did something happen?’

‘Listen, and listen carefully: nothing happened and even if it did it’s not your business, understood?’

‘Then something really happened.’

And an hour later half of the village is buzzing about it.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33 - Victoria 

 

The Mill is in a lockdown, as it seems, which makes Victoria even more frantic. She’s banging on the door, pleading for someone to open up. She has tried calling both Aaron and Robert, not even Liv answers. She’s driven here as fast as she could, she needs to know what’s happening. And why she hasn’t been told, for goodness sake! She should have known something wasn’t right as Robert didn’t pick Seb up from Diane. There was talk about a long journey (2 hours isn’t that long Victoria though to herself) and both of the guys being tired. But too tired to see their son? After almost two weeks of absence? She isn’t buying it.

And then there is the gossip spreading in the pub, coming from Charity mostly. Robert being seriously unwell, a breakdown, maybe Aaron left him, maybe he left Aaron, someone’s been unfaithful again, maybe Rebecca would come back for Seb now, the whole kidnapping thing was just a cover up, Robert doing s runner, Aaron doing a runner and so on and so on. An, in the top of that, Chas having a strange look to her, a kind of uneasiness as if she knows exactly what this all is about. And she won’t say a word. 

‘Aaron, let me in!’ Victoria screams, banging at the kitchen windows now. ‘I’m worried out of my mind, just please, let me in or I will break the window!’

It’s Liv who opens the door at last. She’s a puzzle herself, it turns out, knowing only that Robert’s not well and Aaron asking her to keep everyone out.

‘They’re both acting weirdly, hardly said a word to me. Aaron has promised to explain later but they’ve locked themselves in the bedroom like an hour ago.’

Victoria speeds up the stairs and is ready to tear the door down if she has to but there’s no need. It opens instead an Aaron steps out.’

‘Could you please be quiet here? And Liv, what did I told you about letting people in?’

‘She was threatening she would smash the window’ Liv excuses herself. ‘What else could I do?’

‘Vic, can we go down, you and me?’

‘What about me then, don’t I have the right to know what’s going on? I live here in case you forgot that!’ Liv’s upset and Victoria doesn’t blame her for that.

‘Ok, come down you too, I’ll try to explain.’

‘You’d better because if I’m about to believe in half of the gossip that is spreading around...’ 

‘What gossip, Vic?!’ Aaron goes suddenly pale.

‘We go down and we talk, yeah? I’ll tell you what I have heard and you-you are going to tell me the truth, how about that?’

 

‘I can’t believe it’ Aaron is stunned having heard the all the rumours. Why can’t people  
mind their own business? ‘Who started this?’

‘Charity, though I have no idea where she’s got the information from because I’ve been left in the dark apparently! And it’s me who should be knowing, Aaron! And you’d better come clean about it, I’ll go up and ask Rob myself otherwise!’

‘Shhh, keep your voice down!’ Aaron hisses. ‘I’m gonna tell you but in complete confidence. Not a single word of what I’m about to say can leave this room, understood? It applies to both of you. I have already told mum and broken Robert’s trust as he doesn’t know, but we need to put and end to those malicious gossip.’ And then, in hushed voice he tells them the whole story.

 

Victoria is silent. Properly shocked and so angry she wants to punch someone. Punch, kick, step on, maybe even kill. Any appropriate punishment. She is angry at Aaron for not telling her earlier, she’s angry at Robert for not trusting her and he’s mad at Charity for spreading the rumours. And Chas, of course, knowing all along and not saying a word. The problem is, anger won’t get her anywhere. 

Aaron seems to have no plan of what to do now, seeing a bit lost in this whole situation. And Robert can’t know she knows, she understands Aaron’s point on that. The truth must come from Robert himself, it’s not fair outing him like this. Victoria realises very well what’s the reason to his behaviour, knowing her brother very well. Hurt pride standing in a way of getting help. 

The thing she doesn’t get is why the police decided to cut down the resources on this case when there can be someone dangerous out there, targeting people, maybe even randomly. And will they ever find out? Will Robert ever get a closure?

But now there is a more urgent matter to take care of. Victoria leaves Robert in Aaron’s hands, she needs to try convincing the village that none of the rumours is true. Which may be easier said than done.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34 - Chas

‘I’m so sorry darling, she must have heard the conversation I had with you. And you know Charity, putting her nose in everyone else’s lives. I’m really sorry.’

There is no excuse and Chas knows it very well. Aaron is furious on the other side of the line and he’s got every right to be. 

‘You need to put it right, mum. Vic knows as well and Liv too. Ask them for help, do whatever you have to but you have to put this right. I’ve got a breakdown on my hands and Seb to pick up in an hour, he really misses us. And I don’t even know how they will react to each other.’

‘I will, I promise I will’ she swears hoping it’s not too late.

 

Well, as it turns out, it is too late. Had she said something from the beginning had the whole matter been over and forgotten now. But that’s not the case. When people who don’t have anything to do with Robert and had met him maybe once ask her what has happened to him, Chas knows it’s too late to stop this wheel. And there are new theories, it’s been long since there was any scandal in the village so this is being blown out of proportion.

‘You should know what’s going on, Chas’ says Bob ordering a beer. ‘You should have the first hand information, aye?’

‘Information on what?’ She pretends not knowing what he’s talking about. 

‘You know well enough. And neither Robert or Aaron has been on and about since they came back. Or did they both came back?’

‘Yeah, we haven’t seen them for a while now’ agrees Bernice sipping her drink.

‘’Course they’re back. Victoria steps in. ‘I was at the Mill yesterday and met them so stop talking nonsense. They didn’t have s chance to enjoy each other’s company in the Peak District so they’re doing it now. So shut your mouth and drink your beer Bob.’ You go, girl, thinks Chas.

‘Are you saying they have turned the Mill into a love nest?’ laughs Pete.

‘Who knows, with Robert’s dirty mind?’ adds Bernice, smirking.

The conversation steers on sex and relationships and god knows what, so Chas can breath out for a while. But she knows the topic of the breakdown is gonna come back, it’s just a matter of time. So sooner or later, Aaron and Robert will have to make an appearance in the village.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35 - Aaron

 

He goes to Diane by himself, leaving Liv in charge at home and, although Robert’s been in bed all morning and is not showing any interest in going down, Aaron is worried Liv is gonna reveal, if only by mistake, that she knows what’s happened.

The door is unlocked when he arrives so he steps in. He hears voices from the living room as Diane plays hide and seek with Seb. Aaron observes them for a while without revealing himself. Seb seems content, giggling and running around, trying to find Diane. He’s a happy child, easy to take care of, affectionate and curious. He enjoys Diane’s company which takes off som guilt from Aaron’s conscience. He smiles to himself, not wanting to interrupt and wonders for a while if Seb’s better at Diane’s just now. It’s not a happy home that waits for him, not in the upcoming weeks anyway. But he misses the kid and hopes that it will help Robert having their son around. And they really need someone to cheer the Mill up.

Seb manages to find Diane and there’s even more giggling. Aaron steps forward at last and is greeted by a soft hug from the two year old boy. 

‘Daddy!!!’ Seb is overjoyed to see him. Aaron picks him up, spoiling him with hugs and kisses. 

‘Missed you too, little man’ he says. 

‘How are you?’ asks Diane. ‘How are things?’

‘Just fine’ Aaron lies. Although Diane is part of the family, she must be kept in the dark, at least now. 

‘Well, you’re not if you’re listening to all the gossip. Are you sure nothing’s the matter? I thought Robert would pick him up.’

‘Well, Robert’s still a bit shaken by the whole experience, to be honest. But he’s fine, it’s Robert we’re talking about.’ Aaron smiles, somewhat nervously. 

‘Give him my regards. And I hope I’ll see him soon.’

‘I’m sure you will. I need to go, do you have Seb’s bag packed?’

‘I’ll bring it.’

She comes back a while later and as she opens the door to let Aaron and Seb our, she says: ‘The police called some days ago asking if I knew you were going away and if I told anyone else? What is it all about, I thought it was some random madman responsible?’

‘They had to check everyone’s alibi, it was before Robert was found. And they still don’t know who’s responsible, it probably was someone random.’

‘It’s terrible, isn’t it? Go on and attack people like this. It can’t be anyone that’s right in their head.’

‘No, I suppose not... I need to go, have some shopping to do as well. So thank you, i really appreciate that you could have Seb for some extra days, we will make it up to you.’

‘No worries love, you know I’m always here for all three of you.’

When Aaron straps Seb in the car later he wonders if it was some uneasiness in Diane’s voice. Any if so, then why.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36 - Robert 

He doesn’t even know what day it is. The last few days the double bedroom has been his whole world, his security blanket. Not even Liv is allowed in, he can’t bare seeing pity in her eyes. Would he ever?

He doesn’t eat much. He can’t force himself to. A few bites, just to keep the systems functioning. He drinks water and sleeps. He sleeps a lot. Sometimes the nightmares keep him awake at night but then he just lies in bed, listening to Aaron’s breathing. Sometimes Aaron’s awake with him, rocking him evenly, whispering words of comfort. They don’t help.

He showers, twice a day, this cannot be skipped. He showers hot until the skin is red and it’s almost impossible to breath in the steamy bathroom. New clothes every time. 

He’s thinking. He does a lot of thinking. “What ifs” and “if onlys” mostly. What if they didn’t go. What if he’d taken the phone with him. What if he never found out. Would it be better not knowing? What if he wasn’t released. If only he wasn’t been such a wimp. And what if it was Aaron who got attacked instead. The last thought scares the hell out of him.

Aaron is very patient with him, treating him almost like a child. Robert doesn’t mind really, it’s better this way. He need someone telling him what to do, taking the lead. But he’s afraid, so much afraid that Aaron would get enough of all this. The thought is consuming him from the inside more and more with every new day. Who would want to be with such a pathetic excuse of a human being? 

Aaron tries to make him realise he needs help. But he doesn’t. What he needs is someone who can turn back the time. Talking won’t solve anything. 

He cries a lot. Up till now he didn’t know he could cry. It brings headaches. Headaches need painkillers. And painkiller cause nausea and stomach ache if you’re not eating. So he lies in bed, praying it would feel better soon. Sometimes he throws up which intensifies the headaches. Then he cries more, feeling helpless.

He misses Seb. He saw him briefly the other day but the boy seemed to be afraid of him. Or so he thought. Seb’s better with Aaron anyway. Aaron’s funny, he likes children and he adores Seb. They’re a cute pair and the only thing that spreads some warmth in Robert’s heart. But Seb’s not Aaron’s even if the paper says it. He’s Robert’s and Robert’s responsibility. Only Robert can’t be trusted with this responsibility. He can’t be trusted with anything.

He’s never been a vivid reader and he doesn’t read much but he googles everything that has to do with rohypnol. He reads and reads and reads and with every word he feels worse. He knows he shouldn’t. But he wants to know. How come you can’t remember anything? Or does he remember but is surpassing the memories?

He reads about male rape too. He wants to feel he’s not alone out there, that there are others too. But he feels alone. 

He wonders sometimes if it they’d be better without him. Aaron, Liv and Seb. They manage now, life goes on downstairs as if nothing happened. He is a burden, a heavy one that Aaron doesn’t deserve. He feels excluded at the same time and this tiny bit of him that’s still egocentric, hates the fact that he’s not needed anymore. And then he feels guilty letting the thought root itself in his mind. Then he cries and the whole circus starts again.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37 - Chas

She’s watching Seb playing with his new Thomas the train toys which she bought for him the other day. It takes so little to make the kid happy and Chas is grateful for that. Aaron has been single parenting him for the last couple of days, doing great of course, but it’s thanks to the boy’s happy nature that things have been going smoothly. Chas knows Aaron loves the boy to bits, both he and Robert fought tooth and nail for custody last year and she feels sad that when they can finally enjoy the family life together it’s being ripped away from them. And prays silently none of the gossip reaches Rebecca, it would just give more fuel to the fire, she’d come here the second she knew, trying to turn all of this into hers advantage. Trying to discredit Robert as a parent. She and Ross left bitter and angry, the lost custody battle like a thorn between them and the village. But Pete’s still here and although he maintains he doesn’t have much contact with Ross, you never know. 

‘You will have no choice but to call the hospital soon. I know you don’t want to but you can’t let this be going on.’

Aaron sits on the sofa, nursing a cup of tea. He looks tired, Chas thinks. It’s not fair on him. Even though she’s not blaming Robert she thinks that he should be more considerate sometimes. He must see Aaron’s on the verge soon as well. 

‘He is going down and he will drag all of you with him, love. I’m not saying it to be mean, I know he suffers, but we need to act. You need to realise the seriousness of this.’

‘As if I didn’t. I know it’s bad, mum. But I just can’t force him, I can’t just drag him or threaten him or whatever, I’m the only person he trusts and I can’t break his trust.’

‘Do you want me to have a go? I mean, you will have to break to him that I know and quite soon, too. Maybe it would be easier for him if he knew that we are here for him? I know it’s Robert we’re talking about and I know he doesn’t make the impression of needing others but this is a no ordinary situation.’

‘I don’t know. I called the victim’s centre yesterday, asking for advice. But they wouldn’t do anything until Robert has phoned himself. They told me to talk to him and be patient but that’s what I’ve been doing the whole week now and it’s not getting us any closer to any solution.’

‘How’s Seb coping with this? He must miss Robert a lot.’

‘He’s asking all the time. Since we came back he’s seen Robert twice. But he’s an adaptive kid, I’m not worried about him, not yet. And I reason that it’s maybe better if he doesn’t meet Robert now, he would just get confused.’

‘And how are you feeling, love? You need to think about yourself in all this as well. I see you’re tired and you’re no use to Seb or Robert like this. Can’t you just take a break, let Victoria take over for a while, move here with Seb and Liv for a couple of days, just get some distance?’

‘You know that’s impossible, mum. I can’t leave him, you can’t be seriously thinking I can leave him, right? Mum, I love him, I can’t give up on him!’

This is not going well, Chas thinks. But she tries from another angle. “Then take Seb out for a day at least. Go and do something nice together, just the two of you. You need these small bits of happiness, life goes on, you know.’

It sounds harsh but Chas is desperate to reach out to Aaron, shake him up somewhat, make him think of himself for a while. It’s always Robert and Robert and Robert. Aaron’s too soft, too selfless, way too kind. She doesn’t want him to step away altogether, but she needs him to see the bigger perspective. Robert’s not only his responsibility now, he’s got other family, they need to help with this. She can help as well, she doesn’t mind talking to Robert.

‘I’ll try. I will mum, just give us time, okay?’

Chas squeezes her sons hand, thinking she can’t just let this continue, she would never forgive herself if Aaron took damage of this whole mess as well. With his history of self harming, Chas knows she needs to act and she needs to act now.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38 - Aaron

It’s Chas’ idea that they should take Seb to the Halloween’ fête in the village. It would be fireworks, a chocolate wheel, some lotteries and candied apples, a witch-hunt and a lot of other things. It seems like a good idea at the time. Something else to focus on and something Aaron and Seb can do together. Robert is being asked to follow but of course he doesn’t want, he doesn’t even answer when Aaron brings the subject up. In the last days he’s been mostly quiet, even more withdrawn, to Aaron it seems like his husband has become so numb so he doesn’t even notice what’s happening around him. Not a good sign.

As Liv couldn’t care less for the Halloween she’s left at home, promising to call if something’s not right with Robert. Aaron pleads with his husband for at least go downstairs and keep Liv company, but even this proposal is met by silence.

So off they go, picking up Chas, Paddy and Victoria on their way. The last of the October air is damp and chill, as if announcing the winter. The village is bathing in light of the cressets, it smells wood and fire and Aaron is really enjoying himself. He doesn’t mind people asking how they’re doing, he knows that is not only curiosity speaking, they do care as he’s well liked in the village. 

Seb’s really happy, going around, winning some chocolate and eating enormous amount of sweets which he gets from almost everyone he and Aaron meet. It’s nothing but joy to Aaron to see the boy’s glittering eyes as he is being given the largest cotton candy Aaron has ever seen. 

There are a lot of people at the fête, the whole village enjoying an evening together, children running around and laughing, the grownups chatting. Aaron is being approached by Vanessa with Johnny, him and Seb starts chasing each other around, it’s a happy time. 

‘Looks like it’s a successful evening’ Vanessa says, smiling. ‘Shame Robert didn’t want to come, how is he doing?’

‘He’s fine’ the lie comes out naturally now, Aaron’s been practicing it for so long. ‘Enjoying a quiet evening with Liv and keeping her company. She’s not so keen on all of this, she thinks it’s rubbish for little children.’

‘Ah, teenagers.’ Vanessa agrees. ‘Noah’s the same, we couldn’t drag him out. Plays his console all day long.’

‘Hard to understand we were the same’ Aaron laughs. ‘Look at us now.’

They chat for a while, Chas and Victoria joining them with a couple of candied apples. It gets darker and in no time the fireworks are about to start. The whole group moves closer to get to see the fireworks properly as the show in the sky starts. Seb and Johnny are still playing with each other when the first rocket is shot up, making a whizzing sound. Everyone’ eyes are on the sky and when Aaron finally looks down to see if Seb is not scared of all the noise, he notices that Seb’s not longer there. Frantically, Aaron looks around but his son in nowhere to be seen.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to wrap this up soon, what am I supposed to do when I’m finished writing this? :’(  
> I need to get a life, I think ;p

Chapter 39 - Liv

There is nothing, absolutely nothing on the telly. Nothing interesting on Netflix either. Liv’s bored to tears and starts to regret not going with Aaron. Once in a while she casts a look at the stairs, wondering if Robert would go down and keep her company. Wondering what it would take for Robert to go down. To Liv, it seems like Robert doesn’t want their company. But that doesn’t mean they don’t want his. She knocked on his door for an hour and so, asking if he wanted tea. No response but she didn’t expect any.

It’s not easy, seeing him like this. He’s Robert Sugden, he’s supposed to be the unbreakable one. Aaron is the one with mental health issues, Liv has been worried about Aaron countless times, but never about Robert. Last year when they were practically living in the family court, the possibility of loosing Seb took harder on Aaron. Robert was the practical one, talking to lawyers, reading all about similar cases, he was calm and collected, all the time. And thanks to his determination they won. Because he’s Robert, he always gets what he wants. The person upstairs doesn’t remind Liv of Robert at all. But, as she’s honest with herself here, it’s good to see he’s human too.

 

The evening proceeds, Liv has done the dishes, tidied up a bit and sits on the soffa, surfing on her phone lazily, when it start vibrating. It’s Aaron and he sounds panic-stricken. 

‘Take Robert with you and come here at once. Seb’s missing!’

 

With a heavy heart Liv rushes up the stairs. She bangs in Robert’s door, ready to smash it with a hammer if she has to.

‘Open up Robert, Seb’s missing!’ she screams, trying to force the door open but it won’t budge. ‘Open up, we need to go to the village, I need you to drive! Open up for fuck’s sake!!!’

The door cracks open in the end and Robert comes out, looking totally lost and bewildered.

‘Clothes, car keys, now!’ Liv screams at him, pushing him back inside. ‘Get dressed, Seb’s missing, we have to go to the village, I can’t drive!’ She’s going through Robert’s wardrobe looking for some appropriate clothes. She finds a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt, it should do. Throwing the clothes at him, Liv says: ‘Don’t just stand here and stare, put them on. Aaron needs us Rob so get a grip for fuck’s sake!’

Robert looks at her, dazed. He still doesn’t get it, thinks Liv. ‘Robert,’ she says slowly, ‘Aaron called. He and Seb are on the Halloween party and Seb’s gone missing. Aaron can’t find him and he needs our help. Do you understand me? We have to go and it’s fastest by car. But I can’t drive so you have to.’ Robert’s looking at her and at last he seems to get the picture. He nods slowly.

‘You have to get dressed, I’ve taken these out for you, could you just get them on, please?’

Robert does as he’s told but a moment later the realisation of what’s going on seems to hit him. His breath becomes faster and his hands start to shake.

‘You’re not going to have a panic attack now, you just can’t Robert. Please, tell me you’re not going to have a panic attack.’ Liv tries to remain calm, she has to. There in no one else, it’s up to her now. ‘Listen to me Robert, we need to get going. You need to drive. Will you be able to drive?’

‘I’ll try’ these are the first words he has spoken to her in ages. 

She finds the car keys, helps Robert with his jacket and they’re out of the house.

He drives carefully, as if he’s not sure how to do. Liv looks at the road ahead of them, hoping they will not meet another car. 

‘You’re doing great’ she tries to sound encouragingly, she’s still afraid he could loose it and being on a road driving thirty miles an hour is not the best place for it. Liv sees that Robert’s on the edge, his mind going probably through the same trail of thoughts as hers. It’s dark outside and knowing he’s not so keen at being out after sunset, Liv admires that he can actually pull himself together.

When they finally arrive and park the car there are people everywhere. Liv helps Robert out of the car and guides him into the crowd, trying to get a hold of Aaron at the same time. He doesn’t answer the phone. She calls Chas with the same result. There is no sign of any of them and Liv feels a bit unsure as to what to do now. Robert holds her hand tightly as they proceed deeper into the mass of people. 

Some of the villagers stare at them, some point fingers but Liv doesn’t care. Robert does though, Liv hears it on his breathing. The grip tightens a bit as well.

‘You okay?’ she asks, worried. No reply.

Liv is scanning the crowd all the time, looking for Aaron. She starts asking around and is finally pointed towards the chocolate wheel. As she increases the speed to get there as soon as possible, she notices Robert’s released the grip. He’s few paces behind her, standing completely still, his eyes staring with a blank look to them. She stops too, taking a step towards him. As she approaches, Robert suddenly sinks to his knees, screaming so loud Liv hasn’t heard anyone scream, not ever. Quickly she kneels behind him asking what’s wrong. No answer. Robert’s whole body is shaking uncontrollably and now there is a crowd gathering around them. Liv puts her arms protectively around him.

‘It’s okay’ she whispers. ‘You’re gonna be okay.’ 

Someone offers him water and another asks if he should call an ambulance. Liv shakes her head, knowing it’s not what Robert would have wanted. She hopes someone from her family comes here and helps her dealing with the situation. She takes her phone out and tries calling Aaron again. Finally, someone picks up.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40 - Aaron

It’s been the absolute worst hour in his life. Never ever has he been so scared, not even when Robert went missing twice. The thought of something happening to Seb made the blood in his veins freeze and his heart almost stop beating.

But now, as he sits with the boy in his lap, being offered warm chocolate for comfort, he finally start becoming himself again. He holds Seb close, patting his head, sharing the chocolate with him. Seb is still a bit scared but unharmed apart from that. The silly boy, wandering away like this. He probably got scared of the fireworks, Aaron thinks. Thank god Kerry found him but the silly woman should have returned him straight away, not play with him.

Chas is around as well, fussing, and suddenly Aaron remembers he’d called Liv earlier. Meaning she and Robert are probably here somewhere. Meaning they don’t know about Seb’s being back. The thought of Robert out of the house makes Aaron a bit anxious, wondering if it was a good idea calling them altogether. But he got panicked when the boy went missing and the natural thing was to turn to Robert for comfort. 

He reaches for the phone to call Liv saying Seb’s been found, when the phone rings. It’s Liv and she’s beside herself.

‘Hey, hey, calm down and take it once again’ he says. ‘Seb’s safe with me, we found him, what’s going on with Robert?’

And as he hears Liv telling him, he quickly hand his son to Chas and for the second time today plunges into the crowd.

He finds them relatively fast, a circle of people around them, the most prominent being Rhona who’s hovering over Liv and Robert, trying at the same time to keep the others at an arms length. 

Aaron pushes through, he sees that Liv’s relieved the second she catches a glimpse of him.

‘Rob?’ Aaron hugs his husband softly. Having received no response he shouts at the crowd. ‘Move away, can’t you all see he needs some space?!’ 

‘Robert, I’ll get you out of here, okay? I’ve got you now, everything’s gonna be alright. Seb’s fine, we found him. And you’ll be fine as well. Can you stand up?’

Robert’s not responding, he doesn’t seem to notice Aaron at all. He’s still shaking though. Rhona is clearing a path, she appears to be knowing exactly what Aaron thinks. 

‘Lead him out of here, I’ll try to keep them at bay.’ she says. Aaron’s so grateful for her help and motions to Liv to help him get Robert up.

With their joined effort Robert’s on his feet, wobbling about, but on his feet nonetheless. 

‘Just a few steps at a time, Rob, I need your help, yeah?’ But those few steps are much more than Robert is capable of, right now anyway. He stands still, clinging to Aaron, not wanting to let go. Besides that, he’s completely unresponsive.

In the end it’s Pete coming to the rescue, picking Robert up as if he didn’t weighed more than a feather and carrying him to the car. Rhona follows soon after, having fetched a blanket.

‘Here, put it around him. He’s shivering, the poor thing.’

‘Thanks. You have no idea how grateful I am. To both of you.’

‘You’re welcome, take him home now and don’t hesitate calling if you need anything, right?’ She’s so sweet, her eyes warm when she looks at Aaron.

‘Will do.’

But they don’t go home. It won’t get better at home, Aaron’s just realised it. This incident only proves that it’s time to get help. So he turns the car around and steers towards Hotten General.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leave feedback if you like this story so far :)

Chapter 41 - Diane 

Robert’s on everyone’s lips the day after. As Diane comes out of “David’s” she’s stopped by Bernice calling out after her.

‘Did you see the state of him? And when he screamed, I’d never heard anyone screaming like this. Have you seen him today yet?’

Diane’s angry but at the same time understands people’s reaction. It ends up like this when you’re not honest with all the others. Coming up with lies when you should have said like it was.

‘No, I haven’t met him’ she replies, not having decided if she is mad at Bernice or not. ‘But I called Aaron earlier and they’re still in Hotten. Robert’s not well, that’s all I know.’

‘The hospital? Well, maybe it’s for the best, in his condition...’

‘Whatever his condition is, I still haven’t been told what all of this is about.’ And, Diane thinks, it’s time I should know. Aaron was rather short with her when she phoned earlier, you don’t treat family like that. Even if you’d under stress. She doesn’t want anything more than to see Robert and assure him that she’s here for him, the family is here for him. She’s been denied that.

‘Well, it was hardly a reaction to Seb going missing, he’d been found by the time Robert had his little breakdown. But, mind you, the last year must have been tough on him, Rebecca fighting for custody, this wasn’t a fair play. And then the kidnapping or whatever it was. Did they find the guilty one, by the way? You know,’ Bernice lowers her voice ‘the police called me as well. They were asking if I knew Robert and Aaron were going for this trip and if I told anyone. Who would I tell, huh? You don’t even need telling, it all spreads in a second here. And do they really think it’s someone from here responsible for this? Why?’

She could have as well put her head in a microwave oven, Diane thinks. So much noise Bernice is making. This chitter chatter goes on her nerves and she’s happy when Bernice finally goes her way. But there is this one thing disturbing her. Is it really possible that someone with connection to Robert planned his kidnapping? Is it possible that...? She doesn’t really want to believe it but what if? What if it is what she thinks it is? She can see a motive, no question about that. She curses herself for not thinking about it earlier but, on the other hand, isn’t it how denial works? And, if she’s right, does this make her an accomplice?

 

As the day goes, Diane thinks a lot about this. She’s battling her own mind - should she go to the police and tell them the truth? Last time they asked she pretended she’d forgotten who she’d shared the information with. Not exactly a lie, she’s an elderly woman, maybe she forgets easily. She didn’t think it was of value anyway. But now her conscience is nagging at her, not letting her concentrate on anything.

Is it because of the kidnapping that Robert had a breakdown yesterday? Well, you can’t be sure as there is no information from any of the Dingles, but it is a possibility. And if so then Robert must have taken the whole thing harder than Diane has thought. And therefore it’s much more serious.

It would be easier if she could talk to someone about all of this, someone who’d understand. There is no one though, no one who she can confess to, no one who wouldn’t judge her. But she needs to talk, she needs to get this off her chest. Because god help her, if Robert’s current state is caused by her not being able to keep her mouth shut, she will never forgive herself.

So she phones DCI Seeley.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42 - Aaron

He’s sick and tired of hospitals by now. Of the sterile smell, hushed voices the feeling of helplessness. This time it’s even worse. This time it’s the psychiatric ward and he’s not even allowed to see Robert.

The doctor in charge has explained to Aaron that Robert’s condition is serious, the last breakdown being more of a meltdown, a severe form of PTSD causing it. Robert’s isolated now, having been aggressive in one second and completely indifferent in the next one. He’s on anti-anxiety medicine and waiting to meet the counsellor. The prognosis for the forthcoming days is not good with a nonexistent chance of Robert leaving the hospital anytime soon.

None of this sound uplifting but, Aaron reckons, it will get better. They are far more better equipped dealing with Robert here than Aaron could ever be. So, after a night at Hotten General full of filling in and signing forms, he goes home with a flicker of hope. It would get better. It can’t get any worse.

Chas is waiting for him at the Mill, having taken care of Seb. Aaron suspects she’s been up all night, or half of it anyway, as she looks tired, as tired as he feels. 

‘How are you, love?’ she embraces Aaron in a warm, motherly hug.

‘I’m fine. Exhausted and hungry, nothing to worry about. Robert’s not fine though.’

‘I could get as much. What do they say at the hospital? Will he be out soon?’

‘No. It was a massive breakdown he’s experienced and... he’ll have to stay there a while. They will section him if he wants to discharge himself, he’s a... he’s a threat to himself now...’

‘Maybe it is for the best, him staying in, I mean’ Chas says coyly, expecting Aaron to protest.

‘It is. After yesterday, it really is. I just regret I didn’t see it earlier. And what was I thinking, calling Liv about Seb going missing!’

‘You mustn’t blame yourself, love. You panicked. You weren’t to know Robert was so ill.’ She tries to comfort him, he can’t be taking the blame on himself.

‘I should have seen it. Really, mum. I, of all people, should have seen it!’

‘Well, you haven’t. And that’s the end of it. He’s in professional hands now, they’ll fix him.’

‘I know. I know they will.’

‘And I’ll have the whole family to mobilise, we’ll help you. Just tell me what you need, we’ll help, darling. I can take Seb when you’re at work, Charity will take the pub, she’s in debt to me now after spreading all the rumours. We’ll get through this together.’

 

Liv comes back from school and they eat tea together. At least Seb is not affected by yesterday’s events, he is cheerful as always. Thank god for the kid, thinks Aaron. He needs to stay strong and with Seb around he has a reason for it.

Liv’s shaken up though. No wonder but Aaron is dead proud of her. Who knows how the whole thing could have ended up if not for Liv. 

‘I didn’t do anything’ she protests when Aaron tries to give her credit. 

‘You did. You held him, you sheltered him from the others. You gave him a bit of a security.’

‘Nah, that was nothing. But I was so scared myself, you know? I... I’d never seen anyone in this state. I really hope he will get some help now.’

‘He will, don’t worry.’

 

The phone rings when they are dishing up. Aaron can hardly believe when he sees the number on the display. He thought police dropped the case altogether. But when he answers, a well known female voice greets him.

‘Good evening, Aaron, I hope I’m not disturbing. We’ve had a breakthrough I would like to discuss with you and Robert’ DCI Seeley says. ‘Can we meet tomorrow?’


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43 - DCI Seeley 

 

‘I’ll be damned’ Cuyler Seeley says to her colleague as she replaces the receiver. ‘Watch out for old ladies, Jack, they are full of suprises.

‘What about?’ Jack’s curious.

‘Blaming the old age, as always. I should have known.’

‘Known what? Is it about the kidnapping case? Anything new?’

‘You could say that.’

She drinks up her coffee and gets up from behind her desk. ‘I’m off, need to check some things up.’

 

Later, she writes down a list of people she needs to phone. There is a lot of facts that needs to be checked and established but the theory based on Diane’s information is taking its form. She and Jack starts interviewing people from the list, ending up with more new information. Shame some of the potential witnesses are dead now, Cuyler is sure talking with Robert’s deceased ex-wife Christine could have had an interesting outcome. But there are plenty of witnesses left and new information flows freely.

 

As she thinks about the case later, having most of the facts in front of her, she realises how simple it is. Really straightforward, actually. It makes her angry that some people don’t say all they know at once. In most cases, the conscience catches up with them sooner or later, and by then they have wasted police’s time. And money.

All of the details fits in. The bottle, for example. Why didn’t she think about the significance of the bottle earlier? It’s as clear as the blue sky when Cuyler knows who the perpetrator is. It’s the same thing with the fact that Robert got released, it was meant to be, serving a bigger purpose. 

As the case is still fresh and the crime-solving statistics needs to be improved, she’s got no problems in requesting more staff to help her. Cuyler’s boss values her work and has given her a green light on this. All hands on board and she’ll get the evidence she needs soon. 

What she’s got to concentrate on now is finding the car. For the kidnapping plan to work, Cuyler knows her suspect needed a car. And Aaron saw a four wheel drive on that car park. This the best shot they’ve got. Cuyler is hoping that it hasn’t been burned down but suspects at the same time it’s not. Having thought about this case carefully, she is sure that they will find the car, with prints and dna and all of this. The evidence serves a purpose too.

The thing that puzzles her is why neither Robert nor Aaron have mentioned any of this to her. She asked if there had been any enemies and the answer was no. Did they forget about this? It seems unlikely. Did they move on? Or was there another reason behind it? Cuyler knows she really needs to talk to them both.


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44 - Aaron

They have decided to meet in Hotten as DCI Seeley doesn’t want to reveal the outcome of the case for the people in the village before she’s got all the facts before her. The cafe Aaron is waiting in is really cozy, they serve some light lunches as well and Aaron decides to buy a bite to eat while waiting for the policewoman.

She arrives, half an hour late, excusing herself.

‘I had to talk to the csi before I could come, we’ve found the car.’

‘The car from the parking lot? Was it used...?’

‘Yes. Your statement was helpful on that, thank you for being observant.’

She orders a coffee and takes a place at the table. 

‘I’m sorry about Robert, how is he doing?’

‘Pumped up with medications so I guess he’s better now. I’m about to go to the hospital after we’ve talked.’

‘I will have to talk to him as well, at some point. But we can wait until he gets better.’

DCI Seeley takes a sip of her coffee and smiles lightly, asking:

‘Does the date of 5th of February 2015 means anything to you?’

Oh no.

 

It takes a while before Aaron has regained his composure. It feels so unreal to think it’s Andy behind all of this. But when Aaron can think clearly again, he understands that sooner or later, Robert’s past must have come back to haunt him. In the worst possible way. Old sins really cast long shadows.

‘Are you surprised, Aaron?’ DCI Seeley has finished her coffee and is starting intensively at him.

‘Yes. And no. To be honest with you I had a period when I was sure this would come to the surface, that sooner or later we would have to deal with it. I mean, it was an accident with Katie but that’s not how Andy sees it. And his whole life changed after her death. Not for the better, that is.’

‘What do you mean by saying that it would come to the surface?’

‘Andy was raging when he found out that me and Robert had an affair and Katie knew about it. He accused Robert of... but you probably know all of this by now, don’t you?’

Aaron knows it’s not the whole truth and wonders if DCI Seeley is going to believe him. He hopes deep inside that she hasn’t talked to Paddy yet. He needs to reach him before.

‘You know, I wonder why you didn’t mention any of this earlier. You knew Andy was holding a grudge, he was apparently devastated after his wife’s death and he was blaming Robert. And yet you didn’t tell me any of this. Why’s that?’

She’s too smart. He should have known.

‘It was four years ago and Andy’s been on a run for three years now. As I said, there was a time I was thinking about this a lot but not for the last couple of years. And I would never ever think he was capable of this.’

‘Andy certainly got enough time to plan all of this. He left behind some evidence, enough for us to be sure it was him.’

‘But I thought you weren’t looking for the rapist anymore, I thought you’d never find out. How did you know where to look?’

‘I received a phone call two days ago. Andy’s been in contact with a person from the village, I cannot say whom. He had the information about your trip and even about the events that occurred later. But he’s a smart guy and I don’t think it will be easy to capture him. But, as it seems, he wanted you to find out it was him responsible.’

Aaron’s head is spinning. Someone in the village has been feeding Andy with information, maybe knowing what the outcome would be. Someone who may be close to them, pretending to be sorry Robert’s I’ll now but instead laughing their guts out. Who? Who could have done it? Who has Andy been friends with? Is it Vic? No, can’t be, Victoria has been genuinely worried about Robert. Bernice, Andy’s ex-lover? Possible. She wanted to run away with him but changed her mind in the last minute. Maybe she regrets it still? Diane? No, why should Diane do it? But if not them then who?

‘You have to tell me who it is.’ There is determination in Aaron’s eyes. ‘The person’s as guilty as Andy!’

‘Its not that simple’ DCI Seeley explains. ‘I believe the person in question didn’t have a clue what Andy was planning. Neither that he was behind the attack. I won’t tell you, Aaron, no good will come out of this.’

Aaron is about to scream that he will find out himself then, that he doesn’t need police’s help but stops himself. A small part of him thinks that it’s not so surprising that Andy took revenge at last. Plus, he had a part to play in this whole tragedy as well. It was him telling Andy the truth in the first place. Meaning, he’s an indirect accomplice too... Andy knew exactly how to punish them both. Will they ever be able to recover from this?

‘I would want you to keep quiet about all that’s been said here today, Aaron.’ DCI Seeley’s voice interrupts Aaron’s thoughts. ‘We still have a few loose ends that we would try to tie up. As I said before, I need to talk to Robert when he gets better and I would be grateful if you didn’t mention anything of this to him as yet.’

‘Are you joking?! Robert has suffered a very, very serious breakdown, I haven’t even been allowed to see him yet. Of course I won’t say anything, it would destroy him. And you won’t be allowed seeing him in the closest future either, no one is.’

‘All right, all right, I’m sure he’ll gets better soon. Don’t worry, I will of course consult it with his doctor once I’d need to meet him.’

She leaves and Aaron is left with his coffee which is completely untouched. Despite that he’s not been allowed to talk to anyone about the revelation, he knows he will explode if he won’t get off his chest.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45 - Chas and Aaron

 

Seb’s asleep and Chas is trying to collect all the toys, spread out everywhere. It’s tons of them here, Aaron and Robert spoiling the boy rotten. Well, she is not so innocent herself either, blood or not, Seb’s her only grandson. Aaron’s in Hotten again and Chas really hopes he will come home with some good news today, shouldn’t the pills start making some difference soon?

There is a light knock on the door and to Chas’ surprise it’s Diane at the doorstep.

‘Can I come in? I need to have a word with Aaron’ she says looking a bit tense.

‘He’s not in, he’s at the hospital. But I can put the kettle on if you want, he shouldn’t be long.’

‘Yes, thank you. How is Seb doing with Robert away?’

‘He’s doing absolutely fine, he’s got me’ Chas jokes.

‘How’s Robert then? I haven’t been told much about his condition, I have a right to know too.’

‘I suppose you do’ agrees Chas. And what’s the point in hiding the truth any longer? Robert will be out of the hospital some day and it’s better if the whole family is prepared then, ready to give him the support he needs. Besides, if it was gossip spreading around before it’s nothing compared to the gossip now. She asks Diane to sit down and tells her the whole story, not noticing Robert’s stepmother going paler with every second.

Soon after she’s done the front door opens and Aaron steps in. He shots a glance towards Chas, seeing Diane sitting completely motionless, crying.

‘I’ve told her, Aaron. She’s got a right to know, just like me and Vic and Liv. She’s family.

Aaron nods. ‘You’re probably right’ he says.

‘I’m so sorry Aaron’ Diane says quietly, through the tears. ‘I’m so very sorry. All of this. All of this might be my fault.’

 

She goes through the events methodically, explaining her involvement. If Aaron hadn’t learned the truth from the police before and hadn’t have time to think it through, he would have furious now. But thank god DCI Seeley beat Diane to it. Chas listens, shocked to the bone.

‘Andy got in touch in may’ Diane starts. ‘He was reluctant coming back to the village even though Chrissie and Lawrence had been dead for more than a year. But, as I recall him saying, he’s not completely off the hook, he did a runner using a false pass. So returning to Britain officially would mean facing the consequences. In the beginning we talked occasionally, him phoning from a different number every time. I kept him posted about Sarah and Jack, I owed him that much. I tried to convince him to come back, sort it out with the police and pick up where he left it. But he wouldn’t have it. He was asking how the life in the village was going and I was feeding him with information. I suppose I thought he missed the life here... He was eager to know how Robert was doing but he’s his brother so why shouldn’t Andy wonder?’ She pauses for a while, taking a sip of the tea.

‘I told him you two got married last year and about the fight with Rebecca and so on. He seemed genuinely interested and happy for you. Well, he sounded happy and I thought that maybe it’s time to bury the hatchet between him and Robert. How wrong I was!’

She is quiet for a while, crying silently.

‘Please, continue’ Aaron is calm and Chas wonders if there is something he hasn’t told her.

‘He started calling every day. Asking casually if Robert was in the village, if he was going on holiday and so on. I said every time that I didn’t know, but the question kept coming back. He told me to recommend Peak District if you were about to get a break but I never did.’

‘Robert said someone had left a folder in the office. He thought it to be a client. Was it you?’

‘No. I never spoke to Robert about it or left a folder or anything. Andy must have found someone else to do it.’

‘But you told him about that we were going there?’

‘Yes, I didn’t think put any weight to it. He asked and I answered. If only I knew, Aaron!’

‘You couldn’t have. I don’t blame you. I understand you felt obligated, so would I.’

‘Thank you. But that’s not all. When you were away he didn’t call. The next time he got in touch was when you came back to the village. I thought it odd but I was worried about Robert so I didn’t ponder too much. He asked if the trip went well and I told him about the kidnapping and that Robert wasn’t feeling very well. I would have told him more if I knew more. And that bothers me, you see? Andy wanted to be sure Robert’s got a breakdown, he wanted to admire his handiwork!’

 

They sit in silence after Diane’s confession. Seb wakes up and Aaron fetches him, putting the boy in his lap.

‘Andy suffered a breakdown after Katie’s death. He blamed Robert and wanted him to suffer as much, if not worse. And he succeeded, no question about it’ Aaron says at last. ‘I talked to the police earlier, they are looking for him. I’ve been asked not to tell anyone yet but in the light of all this...’

‘I need air’ Chas says going suddenly pale.

She comes back a while later, smelling nicotine.

‘Andy raped Robert, I just can’t get my head around it’ she says, putting the kettle in again. ‘I need something stronger than tea but I’m driving.’

‘With a bottle, yes. Robert felt extremely humiliated when he heard about it.’

‘Do you think he will ever recover?’ Diane is so full of remorse, Aaron feels pity for her. After all, she’s Andy’s victim as well, being manipulated like that.

‘I don’t know. They have him sedated most of the time but it’s a process I suppose and it has been started at least. A lot is up to him but he’s surrounded by specialists now and they know what they’re doing.’

‘How will we ever going to break this to him? About Andy, I mean?’ Chas is sipping hot tea, the situation still a bit unbelievable to her.

‘I don’t know mum. But it will come time for that.’

Shortly after Diane leaves, asking for forgiveness once again. Chas decides to stay, she’s not sure if Aaron is alright with all this and what nobody needs is another breakdown.


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46 - Robert

“I pulled up my roots  
From the bottom I was caught in  
I was caught in  
And I had a talk with the shadow and the light  
Fighting for me”

Laleh, “Colors”

It’s been almost eight weeks since he’s been admitted to the hospital. Eight long, exhausting weeks with a lot of hard work. Robert doesn’t remember coming here, the first days represented only by fragmentary memories. Mostly of being restrained and the panic caused by it. Memories of pills, different sizes and colours, some of them causing nausea so bad that all he could do was lie down and try not to close his eyes. Memories of people wanting him to do things, lay down, get up, come here, shower, talk, talk and talk. But even memories of kind faces, nurses asking if he was comfortable, if he needed anything, how he was feeling. 

The memories of letting go.

Those eight weeks have left him completely out of control. And, guess what, you can get used to it. It’s the first time in his life that he’s been forced to let someone else decide what’s best for him. Doing as he’s told all the time. The pills taking the edges of. Other pills making him more receptive and eager to do the right thing. And eager to talk. And once he’s started, the words just flow out of him, unstoppable. So many layers of surpassed anger, grief, anxiety. Letting it all out, cleansing the wound, finally realising he’s like anyone else, no bulletproof shield there.  
And then the relief once all have been said, no need to put a brave mask for anyone. 

He wouldn’t be able to do it without Aaron, though. Aaron who’s been visiting almost every day, sometimes sleeping over if Robert was feeling really bad, Aaron with his loving eyes and a promise that yes, it’s really worth it. Just hold on a little longer, it will get better.

 

There was a setback, finding out it was Andy who’s done it to Robert. It was Robert’s fourth week at the hospital when the doctors gave the police permission to talk to him. He was nervous, stepping into the room they had chosen for the informal interview. The room itself quite cosy and bathing in pale November light coming from the big windows. Robert’s counsellor by his side, Aaron already waiting by the round table, looking at Robert encouragingly. And DCI Seeley coming in a while later.

‘So we meet again. I heard you are making progress’ she said, looking Robert in the eye.

‘So they say.’ He couldn’t control his voice, despite his best efforts it was shaky, letting him down sometimes. 

‘As you know I am here because we now know who hurt you.’

Robert winced at those words, he wanted so hard to dissociate himself from the events but knew he would never get better if didn’t process it.

‘We have known it for quite a while’ she continued ‘and Aaron has been informed already. You weren’t ready up till now.’

Was he really ready now? Did he want to know? 

‘According to your doctors you are strong enough to handle the truth so I’m going to go through what I managed to reconstruct. You are free to interrupt if you can’t handle it. It’s no shame in that.’

Robert swallowed hard. He wanted to know. He didn’t want to know.

‘Do you understand?’ She had to hear a ‘Yes’ according to what Robert’s counsellor had told him earlier.

‘Yes’

‘Let’s get started then, shall we?’ Aaron squeezed Robert’s hand lightly. 

‘The eleventh of October you and Aaron were about to climb Chrome Hill in Peak District. When you came to the car park there was a car already parked there, an old Land Rover. As we found later, the car had been stolen some days before in Scotland. The weather turned and you were looking for shelter and therefore split up. Soon after Aaron disappeared from view you were attacked by a hard blow to your head. Are you ok with this so far, Robert?’

‘Yes.’

‘You were even injected with rohypnol, that was the first but not the last time, I believe. Then you were moved to the boot of the car and your jacket removed. It was later placed on the same spot you had gone missing, I suppose to show the seriousness of the case, mostly for Aaron. You were raped in the car being previously injected again, I believe. Then you were moved to a cave outside the park.’

Robert was breathing unevenly by this time and had to take a break. He was advised by the doctors to postpone but he knew he wouldn’t be able get enough strength again to continue another time. And he could never prepare himself for the truth, no matter how long he spent here. It was now or never.

‘Are you okay to continue?’ DCI Seeley asked after a while and he nodded.

‘You woke up in the cave and hadn’t you been drugged had you had a chance to escape, the cave wasn’t that deep. But it was the middle of the night and you didn’t know any of it. By this time, the park itself was full of police officers looking for you. It was risky moving you again. Once we cut the resources down you were moved out of there and driven to Blackheath in West Midlands. And there you were found by an elderly lady. For us at the station it was a tricky case but, as you got released, we couldn’t afford the costs of a time and money consuming investigation. We had no evidence by that time, no information leading us in any direction. Had we looked more had we found the evidence, it was there, waiting to be discovered. But we didn’t. Until we received a phone call from you stepmother.’

‘Diane? What has Diane got to do with this?’

‘Around May this year she got a phone call. It was from a person very interested in your current life, what you were doing, if you planned to go away and where. A person who, as we found out later, planned the exercised the attack. Your stepbrother Andy.’

 

Robert stopped breathing. He wanted to but no air would fill his lungs. His palms were sweaty as he fumbled for Aaron’s hand. And the floor was hard when he landed on it. Suddenly the room was full of voices, some known to him and some not. The pinprick in his arm felt cool and alien, the pillow under his head soft and welcoming. The days after spent in bed, not being able to eat or drink. And the feeling of shame not wanting to leave him. Because it was his fault. It was his fault that Aaron had to worry about him, was forced to go through this with him. Hadn’t he pushed Katie, hadn’t he always put himself first, none of this would had happened.

But it was an eye opener as well. He hadn’t given one single thought to Andy in the past years. Katie was present in his dreams quite often but never Andy. Robert had ruined his stepbrother’s life, he took Katie’s life, even if he was reluctant to admit it, it was the truth. Had Andy right to wreck his? No, of course he hadn’t. But it was somewhat easier to come to terms with what had happened to him knowing it was not a random attack. Knowing he himself had put a finger to it. And, although it’s still felt unfair, it was a lesson well learned. 

 

He is standing outside the room now, waiting for Aaron to pick him up. He’s not healed, the process has only just begun. He will never be able to let Katie’s ghost go. But he doesn’t want to anymore. He’s on the right track now. He’ll be fine.


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47 - Aaron

It’s the end of December and Robert’s coming home for Christmas. The Mill is being decorated over the top, Liv is going all in. The Dingles plans a welcome home party but Aaron puts a stop to it. It’s enough with him, Liv and Seb. Let Robert get used to this new reality first, let him catch his breath before he is thrown into the village life again.  
Rebecca has been in touch countless times, hiring new lawyers, leaving a notification of concern about Seb to the family court but she hasn’t come anywhere with it. Aaron can provide a stabile home for the boy, even with Robert in hospital. 

Andy hasn’t been caught yet but the Interpol is after him as well. Aaron doesn’t think he’s even in Europe. And he doesn’t know if he wants Robert’s brother brought to justice either. Even though the damage he’s caused. Because Aaron feels sorry for him, even if he hasn’t forgiven him.

The truth about the kidnapping is out in the village, it was not possible to avoid telling after Robert’s breakdown. Andy’s involvement is also revealed, the truth hitting Victoria hardest. But she’s coping, wishing the feud between her brothers could end someday. Not many of the other villagers are surprised, knowing the history of the Sugden household. Some pity Robert, some not, and after some weeks the whole story is forgotten because well, life goes on.

 

Robert looks thinner wearing his civil clothes when Aaron picks him up from the hospital. He looks younger, more fragile, even though Aaron knows his husband is much stronger now. 

‘Ready?’ he asks, taking Robert’s bag.

‘Ready’ followed by a small smile.

 

It’s the evening and the village is covered with fresh snow. Everywhere there are Christmas lights, glittering and sparkling, filling Aaron with an inner peace and a sense of comfort. 

‘It’s so beautiful’ Robert says looking at the decorations.

‘Wait until you’ve seen our home then. Liv has turned it into Harrods’ storefront.’

Robert chuckles. He seems at peace too, Aaron is happy to see it. He’s still on heavy medications, he’s having mood swings but today he seems content. A perfect day to go home on.

Liv opens the door as they park the car, Aaron knows she can’t wait to see Robert. She has missed him more than Aaron could ever guess considering their rocky relationship in the past.

‘Welcome home’ she cries out, throwing herself at him.

Robert stands still a millisecond, like he was unsure how to react, but hugs her back soon after. Seb runs out of the house and there is real joy in Robert’s eyes, seeing their son. He picks him up and holds close to his body, not wanting to let go. Seb, being Seb, doesn’t mind at all, in the contrary, he is babbling about the Christmas tree inside. 

 

The evening before Christmas Eve they spend on the soffa, sitting close to each other. Aaron still has it hard to believe that Robert’s actually home to stay now. That their little family is complete again. 

‘How I missed this. How I missed you’ he says, playing with Robert’s fingers.

Robert lays his head on Aaron’s shoulder, putting one of his arms across Aaron’s chest.

‘When I talked to my counsellor about going home and she asked how I would feel about this, I wasn’t sure I’ll fix it. I wanted to leave the hospital but, at the same time, I didn’t know if I... I was afraid I would be feeling like an intruder. But I don’t. I don’t. I feel... I feel wanted and loved and... Thank you. Thank you for sticking with me, thank you for being there for me. I know I’m not perfect and I know this may not be the last time I have to pay for something I did when I was younger. What Andy did was not only punishing me but you as well. And you were thrown in this mess because I was thinking about myself. But wouldn’t be able to get where I am now without you. I need to say this because if anything ever happens to me, I want you too know. I want you to know that me being a better person is down to you. Thank you, Aaron.’

Aaron doesn’t reply. He pulls Robert into a hug and they stay like this forever, as it seems to Aaron, half an hour in reality. Robert’s breathing becomes even in the end and he’s fast asleep soon after. As Aaron takes a blanket to tuck his husband in, he thinks that is not only Robert learning something from this ordeal. Aaron himself feels much stronger now, knowing he is capable of much more that he ever thought. He’s not leaning on Robert anymore, not like before. He’s an equal and it feels good. They will fix this mess and they will fix it together.

 

~Fin~

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetad. English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes.


End file.
